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the breakfast table: An e-mail conversation about the news of the day.

Timothy Noah and Marjorie Williams

the breakfast table
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from: Timothy Noah

But, But, But

Posted Thursday, July 16, 1998, at 1:06 PM ET

Marjorie,

"[U]gly and...unappetizing"? Oh, please. Let's break this argument down into its three constituent parts:

"Butt" is an inappropriate word.

I disagree. It is short for "buttocks," which I believe is the term most favored by our Official Culture. It has a friendly, Midwestern ring that I like. It is evocative (it ends abruptly, just like most Actual Butts). It is certainly better than the arch "derriere" or "caboose" or the indisputably crass "can" or "tail." It is less bland than "behind" or "bottom." (And here I'd like to point out that the British, who favor "bottom," have a much greater tendency to leer and otherwise obsess about butts than Americans do.)

Our lefty friend Marie, who works for a union and volunteers for a battered women's shelter, refers to the posterior by using the term, "butt." I have heard her do so many times. So does her similarly left-leaning and sensitive cohabitant, Paul, and their daughter, Zoe.

Our children use the word "butt" from time to time, and I really don't mind (provided the context isn't puerile bathroom talk, or calling someone a "butthead," which isn't nice, or calling someone a "butthole," which is beyond the pale for child or adult).

So "butt" is fine with me.

"Butt" is an OK word, but it isn't appropriate for a man to discuss a woman's butt in public.

I'd agree with you if Jennifer Lopez were a data processor, or a nuclear physicist, or a bagger at the local Safeway, or anybody I work with. But her occupation is Sexpot Actress. People are supposed to look at her butt. Vanity Fair, the magazine you work for, ran a photograph of Jennifer Lopez recently that inspired the Salon essay in the first place. It was a rear, topless shot, and its caption might as well have been, "Check out Jennifer Lopez's ample butt."

I wouldn't talk about her butt at an elegant social gathering, or around the water cooler at work, but surely it's OK to discuss within the (sort-of) intimacy of our Breakfast Table....

"Butt" is an OK word, and it's OK to discuss Jennifer Lopez's highly-public butt, but it's inappropriate to discuss big butts as an ethnic trait.

I agree, we're drifting into the danger zone when we talk about physical attributes of various ethnic groups. But I liked the boldness and humor of the Salon writer, a self-described "black woman with a similar (all right, bigger) endowment," who sees Lopez's ascent to Sex Goddess as a source of pride. Indeed, her main complaint in the piece is that Lopez's butt isn't big enough, or shown off enough in Out of Sight. Yes, I hear you saying, but that doesn't mean you, Tim Noah, enjoy similar license to carry on about big butts. But wait a minute. I am of Jewish descent. Jews aren't exactly known for having small butts.

There. I think I just whipped your butt.

You're right about the caveat on the Secret Service and Starr: The prosecutor shouldn't be allowed to use the Secret Service to violate attorney-client confidentiality. I'm trying to figure out whether it's OK for the newspapers to pass up Tim Russert's apparently irresponsible scoop but also OK for you to pass it along in our Breakfast Table.

Fondly,

Tim

the breakfast table
entries
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from: Timothy Noah

But, But, But

Posted Thursday, July 16, 1998, at 1:06 PM ET
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Timothy Noah writes Slate's "Chatterbox" column. Marjorie Williams is a contributing editor at Vanity Fair.
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