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Only in Washington

By Abigail Thernstrom
Posted Tuesday, Dec. 15, 1998, at 10:36 AM ET

Dear Steve:

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I love what just came with our subscription to the National Journal--the guide to "who's who, what, where in Washington." Amid the obvious addresses and phone numbers, delightful tidbits of information.

For instance, did you know that Tipper Gore has a "policy analyst"? That is, in addition to all the other functionaries who serve the woman married to the man who wants to "reinvent" (streamline) government. Visions of another Ira Magaziner float before my eyes--someone with illusions of policy grandeur, working on important matters of state, quietly reconstructing our national life unencumbered by public notice.

Actually, the real Magaziner is also still around, we find out from this guide. He's the "Senior Advisor to the President for Policy Development." An impressive title, a fat salary undoubtedly, a phone, but perhaps no job--his staff of only one suggests. The office of "Transnational Threats," on the other hand, has many staffers (among them, a Director for Critical Infrastructure, and another for Transnational Threats) but--unique in the White House--no phone number listed. For those with an urgent message about some new transnational threat to our critical infrastructure, however, there's a fax.

The president does have a phone number. Here's his listing: The President Bill Clinton 456-1414 And on the same page, the Vice President: Al Gore.

So it's "Bill" and "Al." Can one imagine Nixon listed as "Dick" or Kennedy as "Jack" or Reagan as "Ron"? All this fake intimacy from a man who can't bring himself to confess that he is the "chief law enforcement officer of the United States."

Which brings me back to impeachment. Clinton has now told us once again that he is sorry--that he feels terrible about what he has done, true remorse and all that stuff. But the American public, Bill, is not your family. Tell Chelsea that you should have thought of her when you were cavorting with Monica, and that you're very, very, very sorry. But for the rest of us, it's facts, not feelings. Even the super-liberal Boston Globe got that one right on its editorial page last week.

Abby