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Beam and Howard

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from: Margo Howard

Whole Lotta' Shakin' Goin' On

Posted Tuesday, Sept. 1, 1998, at 4:48 PM ET

My dear, "Kiss Your Assets Goodbye?" I fear I am corrupting you! However . . . yes, we have no McDonald's, or AT&T either, for that matter. (Try Hershey, State Street Bank, and CMVT--that's the symbol, I forget the name.)

As for LA books, my fave happens to be by a friend. It's LA Jewboy, by Marc Norman. His first screen success was Oklahoma Crude. But I digress.

The real news is that the Drudge links are hot today. First the Guardian. (If Joan Rivers were here, she would no doubt say fa fa fa fa fa--her sound for fancy Brits.) Anyway, their writer in Russia (unidentified) must totally believe in the concept, "Out of the mouths of babes," because he goes with a 16-year-old passing judgment on Clinton! It is all too wonderful. The kid's review of the American President: "Clinton is too arrogant and should listen more to other leaders." Like maybe Yeltsin? The punk and some friends are "divided" about U.S. responsibility for Russia's devastated economy. The punk lectures that "Russia has to find its own way. We mustn't copy America." You could do worse, kid. The sound you hear now is me humming "Jingo Bells."

The other fabuloso is from the Indianapolis Star/News. It seems that Republican U.S. Rep. Dan Burton did a little confessing when maybe it wasn't necessary. He heard that Vanity Fair was digging up beaucoup de dirt, so he did a preemptive strike that apparently ricocheted into his foot. He fessed up that he and the Mrs. had been separated three times and that there had been Other Women--which he was certainly prepared to admit to if confronted. VF says there is no such article in its next issue.

This is so great, Beam. Now we know: Republicans do it, too! His defender and brother, Woody Burton (not "The Woody" you refer to) is sticking up for him. The brothers ought to change names, while they're at it.

I am so het up with this stuff I'd like to sign off on a kinder, gentler news note. It is reported that "Brooke Astor...the society doyenne recalls that her mother took her out of Miss Madeira's School 'because I was learning too much.' Her mom worried that 'she's not going to care about her clothes . . . she will wear any old shoes she likes . . . and she'll just want to learn all the time. Who in heaven's name would look after her, or at her?" I gotta tell ya', Beam, the non-feminist geisha part of me thinks Ms. Astor's ma was right on the money. Isn't that awful of me? I am off to a reeducation camp this minute. Send bagels.

xx Margo

the breakfast table
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from: Margo Howard

Whole Lotta' Shakin' Goin' On

Posted Tuesday, Sept. 1, 1998, at 4:48 PM ET
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Margo Howard is Slate's advice columnist. Alex Beam is a columnist for the Boston Globe.
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