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Re: Good re-write Wabbit ()()
denny: except that when I read the last line I stumbled over it - ''how much older summer had made you'' Plus, in you rewrite it lost some of it's ''sing-song'' internal rhyme and alliteration, which was part of the quality I was striving for. I have always tried to set a specific tempo and cadence to my poetry. And lately I have been playing ...
Posted to Poems by White_Rabbit on July 14, 2009
Re: "No Running in the Halls" - comments welcome
The narrator is someone addressing the woman and quoting the girl she once was. The poem should be structured accordingly. I came up with a different solution overall, as you'll see below. wr ()()
Posted to Poems by White_Rabbit on July 14, 2009
Re: "No Running in the Halls" - comments welcome
I think John Ciardi's quote explains why I began writing poetry and songs in a serious way when I was a young teenager. ''Youthful adolescence''? There's another kind? :) ''First tentative steps / into adolescence'' would be smoother, even if no doubt it's been said before. In fact, a few lines and a few redundancies could be excised and/or ...
Posted to Poems by White_Rabbit on July 14, 2009
Re: "Number 2" - Critical Comments Welcome
Hi Ted, As I've just pointed out, Denny is drawing upon his personality type and the common parlance by which particular cognitive processes within it express themselves. I know that Denny will read this too, so speaking as one who regards you both well, let me put it this way. When someone gets caught up in a belief in his own uniqueness -- and ...
Posted to Poems by White_Rabbit on July 12, 2009
Re: "Number 2" - Critical Comments Welcome
denny: OK - I have managed to convince myself that, with the help of Ted, that this poem needs to go in a different direction - maybe employ the concepts and ''jargon'' of ''Number Theory'' buried within the text itself. Number 2 “When One made love to Zero, spheres embraced their arches and prime numbers caught their breath''Raymond ...
Posted to Poems by White_Rabbit on July 12, 2009
DILLIGAFF?
Not having been around to enjoy the festivities of late, I have no idea what ''dilligaff'' means. Translation, please? wr ()()
Posted to Poems by White_Rabbit on July 10, 2009
Re: For no one in particular
denny: Perhaps Anonimous Poster believes that only they are smart enough to understand what they are saying, and only they are capable of providng an intelligent response - or knot. Why, Denny...are you calling someone who acts like that a knothead? Wouldn't put it past you. :P ENFP to ENTP: I appreciate calling a spade a spade as well as ...
Posted to Poems by White_Rabbit on July 9, 2009
Re: should an artist be allowed to change his or her work ?
denny: http://www.creativityspot.com/pics/Mona%20Lisa%20(Gioconda)%20by%20Leonardo%20Da%20Vinci.jpg Possibly one of the most famous paintings of all times. One a King loved so much that he created a whole Museum just to house her captivating smile. Yet, it was a work which even Leonardo never considerd finished - and which he kept for himself ...
Posted to Poems by White_Rabbit on July 7, 2009
Re: Gimmericks and other irregularities
The perfect limerick is all anapestic. da da DUM da da DUM da da DUMda da DUM da da DUM da da DUMda da DUM da da DEEda da DUM da da DEEda da DUM da da DUM da da DUM So that means I was right the first time, in all but keeping Denny's rhyme of ''Maria'' and ''urea'' with ''dysuria''. Well, it was bound to happen: your description of the limerick ...
Posted to Poems by White_Rabbit on July 5, 2009
Re: "Out House Story" the Case for Dysuria
Lines 3 and 4 with 5 syllables each? No problem. I once knew a girl named MariaWho suffered a case of dysuria.She'd sit on the potEach chance that she got,And seek to discharge her urea. And from a certain point of view, I like this better. No doubt this result helps explain why the exact form exists in the first place. wr ()()
Posted to Poems by White_Rabbit on July 5, 2009

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