I spent a week in Vegas recently, at a conference. Hoped to visit the art gallery at Wynn, but upon checking it turns out my guide book (from 2009) was out of date. They closed the gallery. Bellagio, too, had an art gallery. But the private collection has, it turns out, been mostly sold. The gallery is now used for exhibitions.

I spent an hour or 3 playing blackjack.

I really don't get the blackjack experience. Every possible combination of dealt cards has been easily calculated, and put into little cheat sheets that you're allowed to take with you. And if you make a mistake, the dealer will likely let you know. When to take a card, when to double up, when to split your cards - all of these possibilities are outlined in readily available cheat sheets. And it's not cheating!

First story. I'm sitting beside two older heavier men, both smoking. A young slim blonde woman sits down beside me wearing a black dress that I'd say suspiciously looks like a slip.

I'm dealt 17. I notice the young slim blonde woman has been dealt 18. The dealer is showing 6 - the best of all possible potential bust hands.

I stand. To everyone's surprise, the young slim blonde woman insists on a card. The dealer tries to dissuade her - to no avail. She claims she really thinks she can get 21. In a moment of sheer, unmitigated genius (adding a touch of chivalry), I put my two cents in and add, "The odds are against you." You see, that's my mistake. She saw my comment not as unmitigated genius with a dash of chivalry. She saw it as there's an old guy talking to me. She responds, clearly thinking she's looking at someone who'd be a compatriot of her father, "That's okay."

She takes a card. It's a 2. The dealer then takes a 3. I choke on my spit. I take my leave. I really wish this wasn't a true story.

I return to Toronto. I arrive at the airport and have to check through Customs. The Customs agent looks up and down my form, which clearly indicates I made no purchases. She asks me if I have any purchases to declare. I say, "no." She looks me in the eyes and asks again, "So you didn't buy anything." I replied, "What I bought in Vegas stayed in Vegas."

Now, you see, that too was a mistake. I was just making a quick joke. the next twenty minutes were spent having to lay out my soiled underwear for examination. Joke wasn't worth it. (Thankfully, there were no white socks....).

There's a saying that you simply must take advantage of the opportunities that present themselves to you. Sometimes, though, I wonder.

Gosh, that was really an exciting story.

Jack

At blackjack. And pick it up elsewhere. Though her window of opportunity for that narrows daily, and then she'll still be a lousy blackjack player.

Blackjack's an even-money game, for anyone that bothers. It's profitable if you do basic card-counting. But the casinos make their money on hunch players and Chinese. Chinese are insane gamblers, and I've never seen one gamble for an hour and come out ahead. They wear a path in the carpet to the ATM. Macao must be a gold mine.

What annoys me is when you make the correct play (hitting a 16 with a 10 showing, say), and the people playing behind you grumble like you ruined their game by stealing their card. Somehow not realizing that I'm just as likely to steal their lousy card as their great card.

I'm guessing the big money on Mine That Bird in the Derby was from Chinese. They love the number 8.

There's a chapter or so in this book* on Wynn's art collection, the history behind it, etc. I just noticed that the customer reviewers weren't that happy with the book, I thought it gave a pretty good history of Vegas, centered around Wynn. Yeah, the guy would like to strangle him, but it's really not that negative. Wynn essentially built Vegas (like with two or three others, but he became the man) .. that's what I get out of a book that's trying to hang the guy.

Anyway, like Urq said (basically), for the casino, it's all about players and volume. The winning takes care of itself, like breathing. And yeah re customs, never say nothing (I learned) .. you gotta throw them a bone.

* kinda late for this recommendation, doubt it's generally available, picked up mine in the airport down there

'errors' that would be humiliating to a younger man become, as you realize, simply interesting story fodder to older men. Just think, had you kept your mouth shut around the young woman demanding a card or around the airport screener then you would have lost or diluted what amounted to interesting experiences. You came out a winner here regardless of what you walked away from Vega with.

the project known as City Centre will go down in history as a devestating mistake.

Enormous. Not much point to it. No warm feeling. Way too expensive. Delivers nothing. (An interesting prediction here - its one where I could be way, way, way off....)

she might lose money.

I'm not sure she was in it for the long run. I don't believe in bad luck, but that wasn't going to be my table.

noted......

was in Vegas.

Maybe that same trip I was walking through a casino one night and noticed an Asian man playing Blackjack - just him and the dealer at the table. The scene had that "something is going on" look and so I stopped about thirty feet away to watch for a few minutes. I soon noticed that two casino guys (black suits, white shirts, ties) were standing on either side of the table, twenty feet out, hands crossed at their hips in front, watching. The player (Korean?) was playing high dollar blackjack. I think I saw him buy more chips, play and lose maybe $40K in about ten hands. At that point he stood, gathered up a handful of money he still had on the table, tossed a chip at the dealer and walked away. When he left, the dealer pocketed his chip, pulled the card deck, closed the table and left. When the dealer left, the casino guys left, too. I think the player left the casino. Maybe it was time for the nightly $5.00 steak special at BoomTown to start. You probably need to show up early, before the geezers fill up their café and pillage the potato bar.

Funny thing is, that player never smiled, I never saw him say a word. I was never sure if he had any fun or not. I know that for many players, blackjack is not a game of fun.

I like the domed ceiling in the Caesar's Palace shopping mall - to the right of the gaming area as you come through the front door. They project a summer sky with clouds on the ceiling that move and change. Nice touch. I guess it still is there. It has been a while since I felt an all consuming need to give my money to a Vegas casino.

My mom loves to gamble and she gets my dad to take her to Vicksburg to play the slots. She tells me, "If they would just let the old people win a little, they would come and play longer." I tell her, "I love you mom, and the casino wants you to have a good time while you are there, but they don't want you to win a little so that you will stay longer. They want you to come in, lose your money and leave." She earnestly believes that they have a big eye in the ceiling that sees every machine and a guy sitting there in front of a console in a secret room who can push a button and make your machine pay out.

I have a 'method' if any of you are interested in learning how to hit big.

until your last sentence.

Let's hear how you "hit big".

First tell me your intended reply, while I try to figure out what I can say about my method that won't give an edge to those dang MIT kids and their hot-snot professors.

OK, I'm ready. Not that I'm an astrologer or anything, but the method has to do with moon phase, tidal tables, automatic card shuffling machines and string-theory. Do you have a pair of closed toe shoes that we can sneak a transmitter into? Do you object to wearing large clunky black glasses? Would you be willing to wear a dental appliance and specially designed undergarments? Do you own a wig?

Are you electromagnetically neutral? Covalently positive or negative? Do you take vitamin C?

We can cover the other things later. I'm afraid the list is extensive. Oh, are you opposed to occasional body cavity searches by casino personnel, should your actions become too obvious?

Someone was offering me a way out, and the door's been slammed shut.

I think it was David Brenner who said it best on Vegas (paraphrasing): You can be standing under the Eiffel Tower in Paris, Las Vegas, surrounded by cafes and bistros and French pastry shops, and you'll be overwhelmed by the feeling you're in ............ Vegas.

The lack of light in most places depresses me. Caesars palace - even the shopping area - it's downright sinister - such opulence and yet kept in such darkness. Finding your way out is difficult.

Favourite spots - both surprising:

1) The Wine Cellar in the Rio Suites - I'm at home there.

2) The Voodoo Lounge on top of the Rio Suites - the views from the outdoor rooftop bar are spectacular, especially just before sunset.

interviewed Steve Wynn several years ago, for two (rare) segments actually. I'm sure the interviews are still in the archives. They were interesting and enjoyable...

His beautiful art collection of course, were the stars of the shows. I can't imagine a more alien environment to house classic art masterpieces than Las Vegas, but that is what makes America so wondrous.

I'm visiting Vegas in a couple weeks. I'd actually planned to check out the Wynn collection. I'll have to console myself with Beatles Love.

I witnessed an idiot make an actual bomb joke to a TSA agent last year. They hustled him out of the area so fast he didn't have time to put his shoes back on. There are times you simply must bite your tongue, too.

there's nothing even hinted at that's wrong in what I said. And the slogan was drummed into my head all week. (They are desperate to drum up the business, and their add campaign has been pretty funny.)

I stayed at the Mirage - booked a regular room that last year would have gone for $349 a night - and was going for $89 now. Then, I called my connections and had myself upgraded to their Tower Suite - sweet - except for the fact that I spent roughly 4 hours a day (at night) in the room. Kitchen, bathroom (the size of my house), living and dining rooms....... special elevators with special pass keys.......