Paramount Discovers Dangers of Letting 4-Year-Olds Develop Movies, Takes $115 Million Write-Down
Years ago, reporters assigned to the “financial catastrophes caused by four-year-olds” beat were mostly chasing broken gumball machines and stolen allowances. The demographic gained a much greater ability to wreak fiscal havoc with the development of in-app purchases, but, as the Wall Street Journal reports, one budding young film mogul has set a record that will likely stand for a long time. On Wednesday, Paramount Pictures’ parent company Viacom revised its earnings-per-share expectations to account for “a programming impairment charge of $115 million in its filmed entertainment segment in its fiscal fourth quarter related to the expected performance of an unreleased film.” This is Wall Street speak for, roughly, “We don’t even remember making this Monster Trucks movie. It just sort of had its own momentum after a while, you know? It felt like it was happening in some other department of the studio. No one wanted to be the first person to say what a bad idea it was, and looking at how much money we were spending gave us a sick feeling in the pit of our stomachs so eventually we just stopped looking. And now we’ve got this thing, this film, quote-unquote, and oh my God, have you seen the trailer? We’re all going to get fired. We all deserve to be fired. But we’ll probably fire the marketing department instead.”
The Instant (Genius) Way to Make Your Juices & Booze-Free Drinks Better
You can apply bitters much more widely than you probably realize, because they aren’t the type of ingredient to just beach themselves on top of everything else. Instead, they wriggle in and help existing flavors bloom, much like a subtle jolt of salt or acid or heat can.
The Story of John le Carré and His Father, the Anti-George Smiley
When reading a novelist’s memoir, it’s easy to retroactively psychoanalyze their characters through the lens of the author’s childhood. Generally this is inadvisable; fiction is a glorious playground, which can be explored free of whatever one’s parents did or failed to do. But the true lover of John le Carré’s work must make an exception for his memoir The Pigeon Tunnel.
The towering, bombastic, infuriatingly charismatic Ronnie, le Carré’s terrible (and mostly blessedly absentee) father, is the the chain that runs through each of the slightly disjointed tales that make up the book, despite le Carré’s desire to confine him to a single chapter. “I didn’t want him elbowing his way to the top of the hill,” le Carré explains, but there he arrives, just the same. He describes his father as “a crisis addict, a performance addict, a shameless pulpit orator and a scene-grabber.” Ronnie beat up his mother, and he beat up le Carré himself, and spent much of his life in and out of prison (rubbing elbows with, among other notorious London lowlifes of the era, the Kray twins).
The case has been made by many writers, including le Carré himself, that his heroes (especially the great George Smiley) are largely a reaction to James Bond, who le Carré once called “a neo-fascist gangster.” Smiley is short, fat, and bald, repeatedly cuckolded by his young and beautiful wife. Karla, Smiley’s antagonist, is himself an ascetic monk of a man, pulling no triggers, presiding instead like a puppet-master over a vast network of spies and operatives. In a genre where our hero typically tricks the villain into monologuing, it’s notable that Smiley’s first encounter with Karla (there will be only two) results in Smiley himself monologuing disastrously while Karla sits in dead silence.
Certainly an anti-Bond, then, but the memoir reveals him also to be an anti-Ronnie. It’s Ronnie who lived in hotels and squats, juggling identities and leaving secret families and girlfriends in his wake, Ronnie who drove fast cars and was quick with his fists and his verbal sparring. It’s no accident that George Smiley fails on every level to rise to the standards we have come to expect from our spy heroes. The most tense moments in the le Carré oeuvre involve, at most, riffling through a desk or replacing one document with another. Smiley does much of his work in the back of a taxi, or sitting at home, deep in thought.
Generally speaking, people who dislike le Carré novels find them boring. I too find them boring, but gloriously so. You may pick up The Pigeon Tunnel in hopes of learning more about le Carré’s own background in intelligence, and you will be mildly disappointed. His novels already contain anything of interest one might want on that score, and what remains are the dullest realities of espionage: the interminable waiting in uninteresting towns, the attempt to build a relationship with low-level functionaries who may or may not someday be of use, years of tedium punctuated with single moments of abject terror. Le Carré’s own career in the field ended when his identity was burned by Kim Philby, the notorious member of the Cambridge Five, an incident to which he devotes very little space. More delicious is the detail that in 1987, in Moscow, a mutual friend offered to introduce le Carré to Philby, who was then both dying and engaged in writing the second volume of his memoirs. Philby had hoped that le Carré would help him do so, a suggestion so absurd that le Carré feels no need to emphasize it other than a flat “I declined to meet him.”
His friendships with Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor, and his deeper relationship with Alec Guinness receive similarly brief air time. Le Carré was concerned when Burton was cast as Alec Leamas: “How on earth will this beautiful, thunderous, baritone Welsh voice and this overpowering Triple Alpha Male talent fit inside the character?” His relief while watching Burton undergo the transformation of shrinking himself down to the role is palpable; however bankable, a le Carré hero must leave bombast and machismo at the door. Le Carré knows plenty about the trappings of toxic masculinity, and has rejected it.
The Pigeon Tunnel, fundamentally, is an exercise in self-knowledge; the audience being himself as much as devoted followers like me. Even the title underscores this point, deriving from a shooting range in Monte Carlo stocked with game birds to which Ronnie once took le Carré while on a gambling binge. The pigeons who were not killed by the guns of the shooters promptly returned to the tunnels that confined them, despite having every chance to fly off.
“Quite why this image has haunted me for so long,” le Carré writes, “is something the reader is perhaps better able to judge than I am.”
The New Concert Film Let Hope Rise Is Pitching Itself as a “Theatrical Worship Experience.” What Does That Mean?
Not many bands as successful as Hillsong United require introductions. The group performs in packed arenas all over the world, and its albums debut near the top of Billboard charts. “We’re the biggest band you’ve never heard of,” singer Jad Gillies says early on in Hillsong: Let Hope Rise, a slick new concert film that gives Hillsong the same flattering big-screen treatment that Katy Perry and One Direction have received in recent years.
Hillsong United is a Christian worship band, which means it plays music for listeners to sing along to as a form of spiritual devotion. That’s what Let Hope Rise attempts, too. “This film is intended as a theatrical worship experience,” reads a message onscreen as the movie begins. “The filmmakers welcome your participation.” During musical performances, the lyrics are projected karaoke-style to encourage theater crowds to sing along. “These songs are written for people to sing, not just to listen to,” band leader Joel Houston tells the camera at one point.
Listen to the Title Track from the Weeknd’s Next Album, Featuring Daft Punk and a New Hairstyle for The Weeknd
Abel Tesfaye, better known as the Weeknd, has released a new collaboration with French electronic duo Daft Punk entitled “Starboy.” The song not only serves as the title track for the Weeknd’s upcoming album, a follow-up to last year’s Beauty Behind the Madness, it also marks the first new music from Daft Punk since 2013. Listen via Apple Music here:
The title track’s release is timely, considering it name drops a certain A-lister who is currently in the middle of a high-profile divorce: “Brad Pitt/ Legend of the fall, took the year like a bandit.” Almost certainly just a coincidence, but—still. Tesfaye also unveiled the new album’s cover art on social media, revealing that he has changed up his signature hairstyle, something which is newsworthy in and of itself.
Where did the weeknd's hair go 😭😭RIP— james bong (@Iivmassey) September 21, 2016
Starboy drops Nov. 25.
Michelle Obama Does a Spot-On Barack Impression, Describes Her Husband as “Swagalicious”
Many have tried their hands at a Barack Obama impression over the past eight years—Jay Pharoah, Fred Armisen, and Reggie Brown, to name a few—but it’s hard to argue that anyone has more material to work from than Michelle Obama. The First Lady and savvy pop culture critic stopped by the Late Show to show off her best imitation of her husband for Stephen Colbert, explaining that she, Sasha, and Malia have all gotten pretty good at imitating Barack’s mannerisms.
Michelle explained to Colbert that the president can get a little professorial around the dinner table—that is, when he’s not gossiping. She also recounted some of her biggest faux pas while in the White House, like mispronouncing names, as well as a few favorite moments. Oh, what we wouldn’t give to have a sleepover at Buckingham Palace.
Why Is Autumn the Only Season With Two Names?
This article originally appeared in the fall/autumn of 2012. We’ve reprinted the post for the first day of the season, below.
It’s the first week of fall—or perhaps I should say “autumn.” How did autumn become the only season with two names?
Before it was autumn and fall, it was harvest. While the modern names of winter and summer have been around for more than 1000 years, the names of fall and spring are more recent—and less constant. This is partly because the two seasons were long viewed as secondary to summer and winter. As late as the 18th century, English speakers were less likely to think of the year as having four seasons, focusing instead on the coldest and warmest portions of the year. Even when they spoke of fall, they couldn’t agree when, exactly, it took place. In the 17th and 18th centuries, dictionaries by both Thomas Blount and Samuel Johnson noted that some thought that fall began in August and ended in November, while others contested that it began in September (at the equinox) and ended in December (with the solstice).
Survivor: Millennials vs. Gen X Is Exactly as Absurd and Cartoonish a Battle of the Generations as You’d Imagine
Survivor is, as Survivor would have it, a game of strategy. It’s not only the players, who have to outwit, outplay, and outlast one another; it’s the show itself that has to figure out a way to get attention, even as it begins its 33rd season. This year, Survivor has decided to troll the hot-take industry and maybe stoke ratings by splitting its 20 contestants into age groups, and then milking stereotypes about those age groups for all they are worth. Welcome to Survivor: Millennials vs. Gen X, which premiered Wednesday night.
Mr. Robot Season 2 Could Have Been a Breakthrough in Auteurist TV, But it Ended Up a Cautionary Tale
The second season of Mr. Robot ended up with a bang, but not a boom. In the finale, “Python,” mysterious Phase 2 of fsociety’s plan to wipe the world’s financial slate clean turns out to be the anti-corporate equivalent of Oklahoma City. Unbeknownst to his conscious mind, Elliot’s alter ego has been plotting with the Chinese hackers of the Dark Army and the not-so-late Tyrell Wellick to blow up the building where E-Corp is gathering their paper records, attempting to rebuild the database that the 5/9 hack wiped clean. This would, naturally, kill everyone in the building, but Elliot’s the only one who seems to have any compunction about sacrificing those lives for the greater good. He tries to undo the hack into E-Corp’s systems that will turn the building’s backup power supply into an explosive device, but Mr. Robot is already a step ahead of him: He left Tyrell strict instructions to shoot anyone who got in his way, even Elliot himself, and he dutifully follows through, leaving Elliot bleeding on a warehouse floor.
Hillary Clinton Practiced Her Deadpan While Getting Grilled by Zach Galifianakis on Between Two Ferns
Between Two Ferns, the dadaist faux-cable-news show hosted by Zach Galifianakis for Funny or Die, usually manages to unnerve even the most stoic interviewees. On the latest installment, Galifianakis, always ready with the hard-hitting questions, made Hillary Clinton his newest target, quizzing her on the real issues of this election: Has she considered being more racist? Who makes her pantsuits? And what happens if she becomes pregnant while in office?
For the most part, Clinton takes even the most ridiculous the questions in stride, which is probably good practice for next week’s debate with Trump. Still, the segment makes it hard to forget just how cool under pressure Obama was on Between Two Ferns a couple of years ago.