Historically, fruit growers have been indifferent to women’s needs. They were happy to give us ideas for using fruit in a feminine manner—eating trendy acai bowls, making bouquets out of strawberries, laughing alone with fruit salads—but they refused to breed fruit cultivars with female consumers in mind. Instead, we’ve had to settle for fruits eternally tainted by their association with men like Johnny Appleseed, Harry and David, and whoever the first guy was to pretend a banana was his penis.
Until now. NBC News reports that a new strain of pineapple genetically engineered to have pink flesh has been cleared for sale by the Food and Drug Administration. You heard that right: pink pineapple. Finally, a pineapple bred just for us girls!
Frankly, I’m wondering why it took so long. With the rise of breast cancer awareness over the past few decades, we’ve seen pink water bottles, pink bathrobes, even pink fighter jets. Pink fruit was a huge market opportunity just begging to be exploited. Finally, fruit giant Del Monte has heeded the call, tweaking pineapple genes to enhance the fruit’s levels of lycopene, the pigment that makes tomatoes and watermelon red. Although the womanly new pineapple is pink on the inside, it reportedly looks the same as yellow pineapples on the outside, and it’s nicknamed “Rosé.” Ooh la la!
The possibilities for a pink pineapple are endless. Imagine gender reveal parties in which parents hack into pineapples instead of cakes, bachelorette weekends centered around pink piña coladas, product endorsements by the pop singer known to her mother as Alecia Moore. Perhaps the travel industry will create ladies-only getaways to the plantations in Costa Rica where the pink pineapples will be grown. And if the Rosé sells well, maybe Del Monte will get to work on making other fruits pink, too. After all, women are a huge market segment, we’re not going anywhere, and we will fight for what’s important to us: ensuring that every single thing we purchase falls right at the midpoint between white and red.