Are you struggling to come to terms with the viral Harry Potter boudoir photo shoot? While everyone else is laughing and awarding 10 points to Gryffindor for photographer Sarah Hester’s pictures of Zachary Howell, is this, even more than the fiasco that is the presidential election, the thing that has you convinced that society is no longer something in which you want to participate? You needn’t suffer alone. Join me on the road to acceptance through these five steps.
Sarah Hester
Get the puns out of the way, just let ’em all out. It’s distracting to try to process these photos while trying to ignore your urge to pun, so just let loose. BuzzFeed said the photos had them “longing for Neville’s bottom, if you know what I mean.” Also that the shoot’s subject was “ready to ~Slytherin~” and “10/10 would ride his Firebolt.” Ugh. And yet. Petrificus totalus! N.B.: That’s the spell that makes people—or things?—go rigid. Would Engorgio work? Or to be more direct: Erecto patronum! Get Dobby in here with his sock. Is your cauldron getting leaky yet? Time to Sorcerer’s Bone with some Dervish and Bangs. Expelliarmus with your clothes, Dumbledo me, don’t forget to use an invisibility cloak, etc. When you start to get your fandoms crossed and imagine Samantha from Sex and the City walking by and saying something like “I’d like to Aragog on his … ” you’ll know it’s time to move on.
Sarah Hester
Recognize that Harry Potter fans are a group with wide-ranging interests. Some of them are into crafting, some of them think they’re actual Death Eaters, and inevitably some of them are going to be into boudoir photography. With the powers that be leaving fans relatively unchecked to remix Potter content to their hearts’ content and author J.K. Rowling off tweeting and writing the next five Harry Potter spinoffs, that’s going to make for quite a lot of material. When combined with the internet’s general zeal for hot men, of course this was going to gain some traction.
Sarah Hester
Understand that sexuality is a spectrum and that tastes vary. While you and I may not find it particularly erotic for a man to put on round glasses and a school uniform, draw a scar on his forehead (a little far to the side there, no?), and start disrobing, this is a perfectly legitimate thing by which to be turned on. These are just some adults having some consensual fun, no reason to pass judgment or find it weird here! Unless you want to slut-shame an innocent boudoir photo shoot that never hurt anyone and only aimed to make the world a more magical and sexy place.
Sarah Hester
Appreciate and celebrate creativity and beauty in all their forms. In the rich tapestry that is life, who says cosplay boudoir photography can’t be as pleasing to gaze upon as a Monet or the Sistine Chapel? Here we have a talented photographer taking photos of a strapping young man who bears a strong resemblance to Daniel Radcliffe. This is art. Have you seen those abs? The one where he’s pointing his wand in a weird way so you can check out his toned arms? We can all applaud some well-developed muscles, even when the fact that his underwear band says “Harry Potter” starts to distract us—surely the actual Harry Potter doesn’t wear Harry Potter–branded underwear? But no, banish such thoughts from your mind. The way he’s reaching into his boxers in one of the photos? Not creepy at all, no: beautiful.
Sarah Hester
Anticipate that even if this was the first time you saw one of the most beloved characters of your youth in a sexual situation, it probably won’t be the last. We’ve come a long way, baby: This is just the direction things are headed in these days. Everything, eventually, will become a sex meme and/or boudoir photo shoot. While Harry Potter was mostly a series about adventure and boarding school and magic, at least there was a little romance in it and it was read by teenagers. Contrast that with what the internet has done to PBS’s Arthur, a cartoon series for elementary schoolers starring a glasses-wearing aardvark. As Rule 34 of the web states, if it exists, there is porn of it. And compared with all the Harry Potter porn that must be out there, this photo shoot is downright classy. This chamber of secrets has been opened, and we can’t close it. You can either say Avada Kedavra, cruel world, or accio yourself some popcorn (and heck, maybe a tissue) and enjoy.
