The gods of public ritual have produced a strange parallel for us: Today, the Republican presidential candidates will debate in Milwaukee as Victoria’s Secret films its famous fashion show in New York*.
If you’re a devotee of both right-wing politics and bejeweled unmentionables, and you’ve got tickets to both, which one should you attend? Here’s some help.
Which is the more fascinating financial move: spending $2 million on a bra, or spending $2 million on a doomed presidential bid?
Head to New York for the former, Wisconsin for the latter.
Does your preferred industry prize “candy prints & peek-a-boo everything” or an “ample supply of underwear”?
You’ll enjoy the fashion show and the political debate, respectively.
You’d like to see a parade of professionals at the top of their game, having bested hundreds of their peers in ruthless competition.
Watch the fashion show, a culmination of years of political maneuvering, shattered dreams, and pandering to the base.
You’d like to watch a bunch of image-obsessed, delusional bimbos prance around on a stage.
Watch the other thing.
Is “angel” a Secret Service code name for a potential First Lady, a coy moniker for a lingerie model, or an anecdotal nickname for a neurosurgeon with a savior complex?
Debate, fashion show, debate.
Do you think America’s going down the tubes, and most of us are probably headed straight to hell, and you’ve got half a mind to write a strongly worded letter to that very effect?
Tune in to the Republicans—the Victoria’s Secret show will give you heart palpitations.
You’d enjoy an evening full of masturbatory fantasies for lonely white men.
You’re golden either way.
*Correction, Nov. 10, 2015: Blinded by the glitz of the fireworks fantasy bra, this post originally confused Victoria’s Secret’s filming date for its air date, and has been updated. The fashion show will air on CBS on Dec. 8, not tonight.
