Promposals? Prom Drafts? The Prom Is Out of Control.  

What Women Really Think
May 7 2014 1:12 PM

Promposals? Prom Drafts? Kids, Chill Out About the Prom.

prom_chill
Prom night, with young men and their draft picks.

Photo by bikeriderlondon/Shutterstock

It's spring again, which means it's time for yet another round of horror stories about how the institution of "the prom" has gotten completely out of control. It's not just the limousines and the comically lengthy ball gowns, either. Young men are apparently pestering celebrity women for dates. There's the creepy recent practice of "promposals," when teenagers perform a big public display, often with teddy bears and flowers, of asking a date to the prom. And now, a new tradition: Boys are conducting "prom drafts," for which girls in a high school are ranked by supposed desirability and boys have to bid on who gets to ask whom to the prom.

If I may address teenagers directly for a moment: Look, kids, I know we adults probably have little of value to say to you. We are, objectively, from generations that are lazier, meaner, and more prone to having unprotected sex than you are. Plus, we are old. But take it from your Aunt Amanda, who, from a combination of small-town boredom and friends who were far too eager to set her up on dates, strapped on the corsage and went to far more proms, homecomings, and other assorted dorky teenage events than she cares to admit: The prom is not worth all this creativity! The music sucks, the clothes don't look nearly as good as you think they do, and no one ever comes off as anything but awkward in the photos. Go for five minutes, and then run off to smoke in the park like a proper teenage dirtbag. Throw the devil's horns or stick your tongue out, Miley style, for the photos. Start a mosh pit or give your chaperones the vapors by having a twerking contest. But whatever you do, don't take it so seriously.

Advertisement

One more bit of advice from an elder: Blowing off your prom now is great practice for not taking your wedding too seriously when you're older. Your friends and family will thank you for it. 

Amanda Marcotte is a Brooklyn-based writer and DoubleX contributor. She also writes regularly for the Daily Beast, AlterNet, and USA Today. Follow her on Twitter.

TODAY IN SLATE

Politics

Blacks Don’t Have a Corporal Punishment Problem

Americans do. But when blacks exhibit the same behaviors as others, it becomes part of a greater black pathology. 

I Bought the Huge iPhone. I’m Already Thinking of Returning It.

Scotland Is Just the Beginning. Expect More Political Earthquakes in Europe.

Students Aren’t Going to College Football Games as Much Anymore

And schools are getting worried.

Two Damn Good, Very Different Movies About Soldiers Returning From War

The XX Factor

Lifetime Didn’t Think the Steubenville Rape Case Was Dramatic Enough

So they added a little self-immolation.

Medical Examiner

The Most Terrifying Thing About Ebola 

The disease threatens humanity by preying on humanity.

Why a Sketch of Chelsea Manning Is Stirring Up Controversy

How Worried Should Poland, the Baltic States, and Georgia Be About a Russian Invasion?

  News & Politics
Weigel
Sept. 20 2014 11:13 AM -30-
  Business
Business Insider
Sept. 20 2014 6:30 AM The Man Making Bill Gates Richer
  Life
Quora
Sept. 20 2014 7:27 AM How Do Plants Grow Aboard the International Space Station?
  Double X
The XX Factor
Sept. 19 2014 4:58 PM Steubenville Gets the Lifetime Treatment (And a Cheerleader Erupts Into Flames)
  Slate Plus
Slate Picks
Sept. 19 2014 12:00 PM What Happened at Slate This Week? The Slatest editor tells us to read well-informed skepticism, media criticism, and more.
  Arts
Brow Beat
Sept. 20 2014 3:21 PM “The More You Know (About Black People)” Uses Very Funny PSAs to Condemn Black Stereotypes
  Technology
Future Tense
Sept. 19 2014 6:31 PM The One Big Problem With the Enormous New iPhone
  Health & Science
Bad Astronomy
Sept. 20 2014 7:00 AM The Shaggy Sun
  Sports
Sports Nut
Sept. 18 2014 11:42 AM Grandmaster Clash One of the most amazing feats in chess history just happened, and no one noticed.