Who Is to Blame When a Man Cheats? According to a Revenge Website, Only the Woman He Cheats With.

What Women Really Think
Oct. 30 2013 11:08 AM

Who Is to Blame When a Man Cheats? According to a Revenge Website, Only the Woman He Cheats With.

cheating_man
You should be angry. Angry at HIM. (And her. But mostly him.)

Photo by EDW/Shutterstock

Last month, I reported on states that are trying to ban a practice called "revenge porn," in which men punish women for cheating—or often just for the "crime" of dumping them—by publishing naked photos the women gave them in good faith, often with the woman's address and real name attached. Turns out that a lot of straight women want in on the game of publicly shaming people they blame for their broken hearts. The twist is that these women prefer to focus their anger and harassment efforts not at men, but at other women. 

Kate Dries at Jezebel reports on a popular website—250,000 "likes" on Facebook!—called She's A Homewrecker, where women can publish the names and photos of women with whom their husbands and partners chose to cheat. Emphasis on "chose," because while some of the tales of woe on this website do involve women bothering to be mad at their cheating spouses, the overall message is clear: The job of keeping a man faithful belongs not to him, but to the entire population of women that he could encounter at any time.

Advertisement

The belief that women are the ones mainly, if not solely, responsible for men's choice to cheat is made all the more apparent when you realize that the cheating men are spared having their information made public, often because the women writing in want to keep the relationship together. One entry features a photo with the woman described as a "home wrecking slut" cuddling with the man in question. His face is blanked out, and the cheated-on woman writes, "She will never have his heart like I did. EVER. I will love that man until the day I die." One photo caption reads: "A pathetic excuse for a female. Knowingly, continuing to try and bed a man that is taken." Another woman writes about how her "perfect marriage" was ruined because her husband decided to join a gym, where he met the other woman. The result: That woman gets her name and picture published on the website. The cheating husband, however, gets anonymity and forgiveness, since he "quit the gym and all he does is spend time with us." 

Look, I'm not going to defend a woman who makes the crappy choice of sleeping with a married man, but this retrograde belief that men can't control themselves in the face of a woman who tempts them makes it clear the work of feminism is far from done.

People of all genders and sexual orientations and kinks and familial arrangements: If you're old enough to have your heart broken, you need to be mature enough to handle it like an adult. Party inappropriately. Sleep around. Whine to your friends—that's what they are there for. Listen to sad music while curled up in a ball crying on the floor. Fantasize about getting your revenge, if you want. But whatever you do, don't actually try to get revenge, either on your ex or the woman you blame because you've absorbed the idiotic notion that anyone other than the man behind the penis is responsible for where the penis goes. The only person who looks bad when you do that is you

Amanda Marcotte is a Brooklyn-based writer and DoubleX contributor. She also writes regularly for the Daily Beast, AlterNet, and USA Today. Follow her on Twitter.

TODAY IN SLATE

Foreigners

The World’s Politest Protesters

The Occupy Central demonstrators are courteous. That’s actually what makes them so dangerous.

The Religious Right Is Not Happy With Republicans  

The XX Factor
Oct. 1 2014 4:58 PM The Religious Right Is Not Happy With Republicans  

The Feds Have Declared War on Encryption—and the New Privacy Measures From Apple and Google

The One Fact About Ebola That Should Calm You

It spreads slowly.

These “Dark” Lego Masterpieces Are Delightful and Evocative

Crime

Operation Backbone

How White Boy Rick, a legendary Detroit cocaine dealer, helped the FBI uncover brazen police corruption.

Politics

Talking White

Black people’s disdain for “proper English” and academic achievement is a myth.

Activists Are Trying to Save an Iranian Woman Sentenced to Death for Killing Her Alleged Rapist

Piper Kerman on Why She Dressed Like a Hitchcock Heroine for Her Prison Sentencing

  News & Politics
Politics
Oct. 1 2014 7:26 PM Talking White Black people’s disdain for “proper English” and academic achievement is a myth.
  Business
Buy a Small Business
Oct. 1 2014 11:48 PM Inking the Deal Why tattoo parlors are a great small-business bet.
  Life
Outward
Oct. 1 2014 6:02 PM Facebook Relaxes Its “Real Name” Policy; Drag Queens Celebrate
  Double X
The XX Factor
Oct. 1 2014 5:11 PM Celebrity Feminist Identification Has Reached Peak Meaninglessness
  Slate Plus
Behind the Scenes
Oct. 1 2014 3:24 PM Revelry (and Business) at Mohonk Photos and highlights from Slate’s annual retreat.
  Arts
Brow Beat
Oct. 1 2014 9:39 PM Tom Cruise Dies Over and Over Again in This Edge of Tomorrow Supercut
  Technology
Future Tense
Oct. 1 2014 6:59 PM EU’s Next Digital Commissioner Thinks Keeping Nude Celeb Photos in the Cloud Is “Stupid”
  Health & Science
Science
Oct. 1 2014 4:03 PM Does the Earth Really Have a “Hum”? Yes, but probably not the one you’re thinking.
  Sports
Sports Nut
Oct. 1 2014 5:19 PM Bunt-a-Palooza! How bad was the Kansas City Royals’ bunt-all-the-time strategy in the American League wild-card game?