Values Voter Speakers Blame Civilization’s Decline on Gay People, the Pill

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Oct. 14 2013 12:25 PM

Values Voter Speakers Blame Civilization’s Decline on Gay People, the Pill

The ever-impending collapse of civilization as we know it: What were the speakers at the Values Voters Summit blaming for it this year? Mostly gay people, but the destruction of society that is always predicted and never happens was also pinned on the humble birth-control pill. While you may think of it as a pill a lady takes so that she doesn't get pregnant right now and nothing more, Rick Santorum and Gary Bauer want you to know that within that little round blister pack is the end of the line for mankind.

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Amanda Marcotte is a Brooklyn-based writer and DoubleX contributor. She also writes regularly for the Daily Beast, AlterNet, and USA Today. Follow her on Twitter.

Gary Bauer was pretty entertaining, railing on about how presidents used to only make presidential phone calls to manly men doing manly things like being astronauts and policemen and soldiers. But now those calls have been ruined because Sandra Fluke.

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"Now we live in an era where the president praises a promiscuous coed because she thinks you ought to buy her birth control pills. That, my friends, is the definition of civilizational decline," he exclaimed, angrily denouncing Fluke for her testimony in favor of women getting full insurance benefits for the coverage they pay for.

Santorum's speech was also good, in that it didn't make a whole lot of sense—he was trying to explain how Obamacare's contraception mandate shows how evil the French Revolution was.

"The French Revolution was based on equality, liberty, and fraternity. Not paternity," Santorum noted, before suggesting that having your insurance cover your medication is a secularist conspiracy. "What would be the easiest way to make sure everyone who wants those pills can have them for free and have complete access to them?" he asked the crowd, spitting out the words those pills like his tongue was sluttier just for mentioning them. "Give them away. Give them away at pharmacies!" Santorum answered sarcastically—though, Rick, hint: They do when you show your insurance card. He continued, "Give them away at supermarkets! Give them away at vending machines! If you want them to be ubiquitous, simply ... give them away!" 

Sounds good to me. 

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