Friday, the Texas Senate finally overcame Democratic stonewalling to pass a massive anti-abortion bill that's designed to shut down 37 out of 42 abortion providers in the state. In a pique of excitement over the impending growth rate in black market and self-administered abortions in the state, frequent Fox News commentator Erick Erickson kindly offered some medical advice to those suffering unwanted pregnancies:
The link goes to a clothes-hanger supplier.
Defenders of Texas' new abortion regulations swear up and down that this is all about protecting women's health—that these clinics need to be shut down to keep women safe. Erickson's tweet provided a real teachable moment, as they say—an opportunity to educate this former CNN contributor on the facts and explain that as a responsible supporter of women's health care, he really should understand that shoving a wire hanger up your uterus is not safer than having a medical professional perform your abortion in an ordinary abortion clinic.
Turns out that Erickson wasn't in need of education, though. He wasn't confused about what he was saying or under the impression that wire hangers are exceptionally safe even though using them to perform an abortion can cause women to suffer puncture wounds, infection, infertility, and even death. He was just being funny: "I am so sorry. I forget that feminists and other pro-abortion activists really are as humorless as they are stereotyped to be."
Well, I certainly don't want anyone to think I'm humorless! So I thought I'd try to write a few jokes that Erickson might approve of:
"Did you hear the one about the woman whose Medicaid funding for contraception was cut off by Texas Republicans? She got fired from her minimum-wage job for taking too much time off for her pregnancy and now is homeless!"
"A priest, a Southern Baptist, and a young woman with an unwanted pregnancy walk into a clinic. Guess which one isn't going to get the medical care they need and will now have to move back in with her parents?"
"Did you hear the one about the woman who went to Mexico for flea-market abortion pills? They didn't work right, and she ended up in the emergency room!"
"What do you get when you put an unwanted pregnancy, a woman, and the state of Texas together? Someone who just found out that they don't get basic human rights!"
"Knock-knock. Who's there? Orange! Orange who? Orange you glad we forced you to have a transvaginal ultrasound?"
I think I'm beginning to get the hang of this "conservative humor" thing. It's easy when you have such good material, and there's nothing funnier than making women suffer because they dared to have sex.