How Do You Maintain Desire in a Long-Term Relationship? Try a Threesome.

The XX Factor
What Women Really Think
June 7 2013 6:07 PM

How Do You Maintain Desire in a Long-Term Relationship? Try a Threesome.

Earlier this week we asked you, readers, to write in telling us how you maintain desire in a long-term relationship. We wanted solutions you may have found to the problem of monogamy, experiments that have failed, and perhaps a defense of sexual fidelity itself. Many of you responded, and over the past few days we've published those responses. Here's the last one.

From: Keith

Advertisement

My wife and I have been together for more than 12 years, 8+ married.  I am in my mid-fifties, she is in her mid-forties. We have very different needs, I am fine with 2 or 3 times a week, she would like it at least once a day.

Periodically, we would have fights related to how often we were having sex. About 2 years ago I started suggesting that maybe we should try a threesome and add another gentleman to spice up the relationship. It took almost a year and some serious discussion between the two of us before she would agree. We met and "interviewed" a gentleman and started having threesomes about once a month.

What started out as an experiment with threesomes morphed into a situation where she meets him by herself once a week for sex. This has been going on for about a year with no negative repercussions to our relationship.

She never meets him without confirming their meetings with me. We have frequent conversations about the health of our relationship in general and she keeps a close watch on me to be sure this is not impacting me.

This situation has eliminated any fights about sex and we are both "getting" what we need. Some would say we are putting blinders on, but we do not consider this to be an affair. Everything is in the open and fully approved and discussed by both of us. The other gentleman is also very attuned to anything that may be causing problems within our marriage and would break off this arrangement if he thought he was having a negative impact on our marriage.

We both love each other very much and have no desire to end our marriage. However, we do recognize that there are different needs that often wreck other marriages and we are not willing to give up our marriage to conform to societal norms by limiting sex to the two of us. She is not "whoring" around but even the variety of one additional partner has made a difference in our relationship.

Many women that my wife has discussed this with have commented that they wish they could have similar arrangements with their husbands but it is totally out of the question in their relationships and they would never even bring it up.

TODAY IN SLATE

Culturebox

The End of Pregnancy

And the inevitable rise of the artificial womb.

Doctor Tests Positive for Ebola in New York City

How a Company You’ve Never Heard of Took Control of the Entire Porn Industry

The Hot New Strategy for Desperate Democrats

Blame China for everything.

The Questions That Michael Brown’s Autopsies Can’t Answer

Foreigners

Kiev Used to Be an Easygoing Place

Now it’s descending into madness.

Technology

Don’t Just Sit There

How to be more productive during your commute.

There Has Never Been a Comic Book Character Like John Constantine

Which Came First, the Word Chicken or the Word Egg?

  News & Politics
The World
Oct. 23 2014 1:51 PM Is This the ISIS Backlash We've Been Waiting For?
  Business
Moneybox
Oct. 23 2014 5:53 PM Amazon Investors Suddenly Bearish on Losing Money
  Life
Outward
Oct. 23 2014 5:08 PM Why Is an Obscure 1968 Documentary in the Opening Credits of Transparent?
  Double X
The XX Factor
Oct. 23 2014 11:33 AM Watch Little Princesses Curse for the Feminist Cause
  Slate Plus
Working
Oct. 23 2014 11:28 AM Slate’s Working Podcast: Episode 2 Transcript Read what David Plotz asked Dr. Meri Kolbrener about her workday.
  Arts
Brow Beat
Oct. 23 2014 6:55 PM A Goodfellas Actor Sued The Simpsons for Stealing His Likeness. Does He Have a Case?
  Technology
Technology
Oct. 23 2014 11:45 AM The United States of Reddit  How social media is redrawing our borders. 
  Health & Science
Science
Oct. 23 2014 5:42 PM Seriously, Evolution: WTF? Why I love the most awkward, absurd, hacked-together species.
  Sports
Sports Nut
Oct. 20 2014 5:09 PM Keepaway, on Three. Ready—Break! On his record-breaking touchdown pass, Peyton Manning couldn’t even leave the celebration to chance.