Kris Humphries Is the Most Restrained Human on Earth

What Women Really Think
Nov. 22 2011 4:57 PM

Kris Humphries Is the Most Restrained Human on Earth

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In a desperate bid to try to make America keep caring about Kim Kardashian's divorce, Us Weekly tries, and fails, to convince readers that Kris Humphries is the "Husband from Hell." Rather than nudging public opinion toward Kim's side, the magazine just makes him look more reasonable. Here are the things that the "abrasive" "terrible" Humphries allegedly said that just forced Kim to divorce him after 72 days:

-- "One time, he said she had no talent and her fame wouldn't last"

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-- "When he drinks with friends, he gets wild."

-- "He even accused the host of The Tonight Show With Jay Leno of being unfunny."

Jay Leno? Not funny? That MONSTER! OK, OK, some of the things "sources" (whose initals are probably exclusively Ks) accuse Humphries of are not so nice. He allegedly called Kim fat, and spread a rumor that one of Kim's close friends was gay for no apparent reason. If these things are true, he's a jerk. But this pathetically obvious attempt to keep people interested in the dashed Kardashian nuptials is pretty remarkable in its baldness.

Jessica Grose is a frequent Slate contributor and the author of the novel Sad Desk Salad. Follow her on Twitter.