We Act Out Rape. And Then We Snuggle.

What Women Really Think
Oct. 29 2009 4:22 PM

We Act Out Rape. And Then We Snuggle.

Here is another response from a reader to my question about the role that fantasy plays in your sex life .

As women, we are taught to fear men: fear them in clubs, fear them on streets when walking alone, and fear them in general as we lock up the doors for the night. Also, as women, in many ways we are taught that we shouldn't enjoy or ask for sex lest we be labeled as sluts.

So what better way to take control back from a society that wants its women pure and unlustful and take control of the fear we must have to protect ourselves from assault than with a hot, sexy, wanted rape fantasy? Enjoying a rape (during a fantasy setting) is the antithesis of both problems; first, a woman is fucked and LIKES it, and second the rapist is no longer in control of the situation because of the target's enjoyment.

The control is perhaps the best aspect of a rape fantasy. A partner who is loving and willing to indulge his woman is NOT in control of the situation (and, by the way, not some screwed up rapist in training as some "therapists" would lead you to believe). That is the very definition of a submissive in sex play. Submissive in name only. The submissive decides what actions are allowed and what aren't, and decides when play is finished. They may be crying out for help, or begging for mercy, but once the submissive says "that's IT, no more," the dominant "rapist" does not continue.

Finally, as a rape fetishist (let's call a spade a spade, here), there is nothing I like more then setting up the time, the rules, and the safe word and then letting my husband have his way with me. Sometimes we have plain-old "vanilla" sex, but the rape play, complete with tying up and a bit of boring spanking, makes me far, far more excited. And then, we snuggle.

Daniel Bergner is the author of the new book What Do Women Want? Follow him on Facebook and Twitter.

TODAY IN SLATE

Politics

Blacks Don’t Have a Corporal Punishment Problem

Americans do. But when blacks exhibit the same behaviors as others, it becomes part of a greater black pathology. 

I Bought the Huge iPhone. I’m Already Thinking of Returning It.

Scotland Is Just the Beginning. Expect More Political Earthquakes in Europe.

Lifetime Didn’t Think the Steubenville Rape Case Was Dramatic Enough

So they added a little self-immolation.

Two Damn Good, Very Different Movies About Soldiers Returning From War

Medical Examiner

The Most Terrifying Thing About Ebola 

The disease threatens humanity by preying on humanity.

Students Aren’t Going to College Football Games as Much Anymore, and Schools Are Getting Worried

The Good Wife Is Cynical, Thrilling, and Grown-Up. It’s Also TV’s Best Drama.

  News & Politics
Weigel
Sept. 19 2014 9:15 PM Chris Christie, Better Than Ever
  Business
Business Insider
Sept. 20 2014 6:30 AM The Man Making Bill Gates Richer
  Life
Quora
Sept. 20 2014 7:27 AM How Do Plants Grow Aboard the International Space Station?
  Double X
The XX Factor
Sept. 19 2014 4:58 PM Steubenville Gets the Lifetime Treatment (And a Cheerleader Erupts Into Flames)
  Slate Plus
Slate Picks
Sept. 19 2014 12:00 PM What Happened at Slate This Week? The Slatest editor tells us to read well-informed skepticism, media criticism, and more.
  Arts
Brow Beat
Sept. 19 2014 4:48 PM You Should Be Listening to Sbtrkt
  Technology
Future Tense
Sept. 19 2014 6:31 PM The One Big Problem With the Enormous New iPhone
  Health & Science
Bad Astronomy
Sept. 20 2014 7:00 AM The Shaggy Sun
  Sports
Sports Nut
Sept. 18 2014 11:42 AM Grandmaster Clash One of the most amazing feats in chess history just happened, and no one noticed.