Adoption's No Surrogacy Alternative

What Women Really Think
July 23 2009 8:03 AM

Adoption's No Surrogacy Alternative

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Kerry asks, "Why is it OK to search for a surrogate mother rather than, say, adopt?" She's asking it in the context of the way we think about surrogacy, but for a parent, or an "intended parent," those are two really separate questions. Searching for a surrogate is an extension of the search for a solution for infertility-to parent the biological child of at least one partner. To adopt is to relinquish that desire, or, at least to conclude that you can put it aside.

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" Why don't you just adopt ?" is not a fair question. Most adoption agencies are determined that before you start down the long and uncertain road to adoption, you've "resolved" your long and uncertain quest to produce a biological child. It's somewhat inherent in the nature of adoption post infertility that adoption is a second choice, but adopting-and I speak from experience-is difficult enough without lingering doubts about whether, if you'd just tried one more thing, you could have a child with your blood in her veins.

Photograph by George Doyle/Getty Images.