Watch Out Bachelors. The Cougar Is Coming.

What Women Really Think
May 28 2009 11:12 AM

Watch Out Bachelors. The Cougar Is Coming.

Here's a guest post from Current TV's Sarah Haskins, whose videos will air weekly on Double X . Each week she addresses a theme in marketing, advertising, or entertainment aimed at women that she finds silly, such as the idea that yogurt is an unbelievably indulgent, wholly beloved miracle food for women. She's giving XXers a sneak peak of tonight's video subject:

Young American Men, this is your warning. For so many years, you've been safe: ensconced in fraternities, apartments with other dudes, sports bars, and post-college intramural leagues.

Yet the natural order cannot long survive without balance. And thus your herds, like deer in the backyards of New Jersey, must be thinned.

Enter the Cougar. Your natural predator. She is everything you fear. She is older. She is going to use you for sex. She doesn't care about your video games or entry-level job. She is going to go to a nice restaurant with you- by any means necessary .

She was formed in the crucible of cable culture: by people who think Sex and The City was a documentary, not a show, by our obsession with youth, and especially by trend-seeking journalists who need something to talk about. She is our modern jabberwocky, gyre and gimbling her way into your 400 thread count sheets.

For years young females have been stalked by male silverbacks, but the Cougars represent a reversal of this natural order. Like global warming or mortgage-backed securities, she is a sign of terrible times ahead. Older ladies and younger men! It does not make sense!

You can arm yourself against her, young men. Study the enemy. Begin by watching The Cougar on the TV Land network. Did you know that was a network? Neither did I. Enjoy.

Advertisement

TODAY IN SLATE

Foreigners

More Than Scottish Pride

Scotland’s referendum isn’t about nationalism. It’s about a system that failed, and a new generation looking to take a chance on itself. 

IOS 8 Comes Out Today. Do Not Put It on Your iPhone 4S.

Why Greenland’s “Dark Snow” Should Worry You

How Much Should You Loath NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell?

Here are the facts.

Three Talented Actresses in Three Terrible New Shows

Science

The Human Need to Find Connections in Everything

It’s the source of creativity and delusions. It can harm us more than it helps us.

Jurisprudence

Happy Constitution Day!

Too bad it’s almost certainly unconstitutional.

The Ungodly Horror of Having a Bug Crawl Into Your Ear and Scratch Away at Your Eardrum

My Father Was James Brown. I Watched Him Beat My Mother. Then I Married Someone Like Him.

  News & Politics
The World
Sept. 17 2014 4:08 PM How Teflon Is Vladimir Putin's Popularity?
  Business
Business Insider
Sept. 17 2014 1:36 PM Nate Silver Versus Princeton Professor: Who Has the Right Models?
  Life
Outward
Sept. 17 2014 1:59 PM Ask a Homo: Secret Ally Codes 
  Double X
Doublex
Sept. 17 2014 4:10 PM Can These Women Fix the NFL? Or will the NFL fix them?
  Slate Plus
Slate Fare
Sept. 17 2014 9:37 AM Is Slate Too Liberal?  A members-only open thread.
  Arts
Brow Beat
Sept. 17 2014 4:07 PM Kern Your Enthusiasm: The Genius of Jenson’s Roman
  Technology
Future Tense
Sept. 17 2014 12:35 PM IOS 8 Comes Out Today. Do Not Put It on Your iPhone 4S.
  Health & Science
Bad Astronomy
Sept. 17 2014 11:18 AM A Bridge Across the Sky
  Sports
Sports Nut
Sept. 17 2014 3:51 PM NFL Jerk Watch: Roger Goodell How much should you loathe the pro football commissioner?