The Swing Voter

PRESTON, Mo. – On the drive from Springfield to Independence, before I committed my traditional travel ritual of Losing Expensive Electronics, I saw Robert Schuetz’s home sticking out like a flaming thumb. Inside the limits of tiny Preston, Schuetz had placed eight gigantic, self-made signs.
Intrigued, I parked and walked up to Schuetz’s door. An elderly man in jeans and plaid muted his TV – one could hear the japes of Kevin James and the King of Queens cast – and asked me if I was familiar with Obama’s “martial law order.” I wasn’t so, he invited me inside. The well-kept living room was devoted to TV, DVDs, and books, including a red-bound Bible on a handy endtable. An adjoining room was set up with a computer, radios, and reams of paper that Schuetz had printed out. “I just put in the search term and I find out what I need,” he said. Schuetz handed me some of his latest findings – a WorldNetDaily article about biased polls, a Daily Mail piece about Monica Lewinsky’s book deal, and the name of the the so-called martial law order: The National Defense Resources Prepardness order.
There was so much material doubting the president’s religion that I had to ask: Was Schuetz comfortable voting for Mitt Romney. “Yeah, the Mormons are okay,” he said. “You seen what they’re doing to Catholics now? They’re saying they’ll shut down Catholic schools unless they teach Islam.” Schuetz went on to explain his fight with the city over water and free speech rights, but I had to go. “The next sign I’m gonna put out there,” said my host, “is gonna say: Impeach the Sonovabitch!”