- If Mitt Romney says Obama considers the unemployed "bumps in the road," drink.
- If Newt Gingrich says "solutions," stroke your chin thoughtfully and sip a brandy.
- If Gingrich refers to the future or some date in the future, put on sunglasses and take a sip of whatever you have.
- If Tim Pawlenty says "Obamaneycare," chug. (He said he wouldn't.)
- If anyone complains about a question being beneath the dignity of the event, break a bottle and stab someone with it.
- If Rick Santorum answers a question without attacking someone, take two sips of Campari.
- If Ron Paul mentions "sound money" or the Fed, sip sherry out of a golden chalice.
TODAY IN SLATE
Blacks Don’t Have a Corporal Punishment Problem
I Bought the Huge iPhone. I’m Already Thinking of Returning It.
Scotland Is Just the Beginning. Expect More Political Earthquakes in Europe.
Lifetime Didn’t Think the Steubenville Rape Case Was Dramatic Enough
So they added a little self-immolation.
Two Damn Good, Very Different Movies About Soldiers Returning From War
- North Korea: American Sentenced to Hard Labor Wanted to Become “Second Snowden”
- Almost One in Four Americans Support Idea of Splitting From the Union
- ESPN Story Alleges Ravens, NFL Are Scapegoating Ray Rice in Coverup
- Dean of Islamic Studies at University of Karachi is Murdered Amid "Blasphemy" Allegations
The Most Terrifying Thing About Ebola
The disease threatens humanity by preying on humanity.