Fox News hosts resemble President Trump, not to mention cartoon character Jay Sherman, in their zeal for selling their self-branded products. While Bill O’Reilly was the king of this tacky tactic—the man loved nothing more than to lard the “viewer mail” section of his show with letters heaped with praise for his own books—many other network personalities have picked up the self-promotional slack since O’Reilly’s departure. On Tuesday morning, though, Fox & Friends co-host Brian Kilmeade changed the game forever: He dressed up as his own book for Halloween.
Halloween is a big deal on Fox & Friends. The hosts spent much of the morning teasing the reveal of their costumes. (They also derided the Mueller indictments and interviewed the creator of Dilbert.) The big moment finally came near the end of the 8 a.m. hour, and, my gosh, it was worth waiting for. Ainsley Earhardt wore fake glasses and a trenchcoat concealing a T-shirt reading “Bless You”; she was “a blessing in disguise.” Weatherperson Janice Dean carried an umbrella covered in stuffed animals; she was “raining cats and dogs.” Steve Doocy wore a suit patterned with pictures of currency; the conceit of his costume was that he “looked like a million bucks.”
Kilmeade, for his part, dressed up as Andrew Jackson and the Miracle of New Orleans: The Battle That Shaped America's Destiny, perhaps because the Halloween store was sold out of “sexy lickspittle” costumes.
The front of Kilmeade’s costume was his book jacket. The rear was the back of the jacket, with all of the endorsements and such. (If Kilmeade wants to pad out his costume with another blurb, Jimmy Kimmel has one ready: “Brian Kilmeade is a phony little creep.”) This goes to show you can’t judge a book by its cover,” said Kilmeade, as he twirled to display the gigantic UPC code covering his butt. Kilmeade’s fellow hosts were delighted. “This is the only way you would ever wear a costume,” said Dean. He looked like an enormous juice pouch.
Whether it’s Kilmeade dressing up as his own book for Halloween, Sean Hannity spending a week playing clips from the new Kevin Sorbo movie he produced and appeared in, Ainsley Earhardt somehow getting Eric and Lara Trump to endorse her new children’s book during her interview with them, or Laura Ingraham closing the debut episode of her new show by instructing viewers to buy her book, Fox News never lets viewers forget that the best way to stick it to liberals is by spending all their money on Fox-approved merchandise. If you’d like to buy Kilmeade’s book, please do so. I’m sure he’d appreciate it. If you forget, don’t worry—he will probably remind you about it tomorrow.