Contrary to what you might believe, Fox News is not all dyspepsia and catheter commercials. Its hosts can be softies, too, most often when discussing or interviewing President Trump’s children. My favorite Trump child is Eric Trump, who looks like a lethargic Biff Tannen and sounds like a sentient bag of money. I cherish every interview he gives. Well, lucky me: Eric and his wife, Lara, have a new baby, and they’ve been making the rounds on Fox to discuss the child—and other things.
The Trumps popped up on this past Saturday’s edition of Justice With Judge Jeanine. “Eric and Lara Trump are next up on Justice for the first time as Mom and Dad,” host Jeanine Pirro teased. “And later: Last week, we introduced you to some of Washington’s worst deep-state insiders holding up the president’s agenda. Well, guess what? We’ve got more, you can’t miss ‘em.”
The interview was really something. “So you see the world through [your new son’s] eyes?” Pirro asked Eric. Yes, he said: After a hard day’s work tuning out fake news, there’s nothing like coming home to a “seven-pound ball of love, and all he wants to do is sleep and eat and smile.”
“And mama is responsible for the eating part,” said Pirro, “in the sense that you’re doing it naturally.”
“Yes, I am,” said Lara Trump.
After ascertaining that Eric Trump does, indeed, enjoy being a father, Pirro became overcome with emotion, since she’s apparently known Eric since he was but a wee plutocrat. “I love this. I knew you when you were a little boy!” exclaimed Pirro. “I just, I feel like your mother sometimes! No offense, Ivana, but I’m so proud of you, as a father right now. This is so exciting.” Truly, the deep state has never had a more dangerous enemy than Judge Jeanine Pirro.
After a week’s respite—after all, they’ve got hotels to build and babies to feed—Eric and Lara returned to the air Friday morning on Fox & Friends. “Well, we were invited for an exclusive visit to Eric and Lara Trump’s house,” said Ainsley Earhardt.
“The nursery?” asked an excited Steve Doocy.
“That’s right,” said Earhardt, “to meet their new little baby boy. First time ever seen on camera. His name is Luke. But before we met Luke, we talked a little politics with them.”
What does Eric Trump think about NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell’s recent announcement that he would not force the league’s players to stand for the national anthem? “I think our reaction is: You stand for the flag,” said Eric Trump. What does Eric Trump think about corporations and the economy? “We have to let corporations grow,” said Eric Trump. Does Eric Trump think the Uranium One deal is the real Russian scandal? “It is the real Russian scandal. It’s a disgrace,” said Eric Trump.
What about the criticisms directed at President Trump for his allegedly insensitive comments to the widow of a dead soldier? “I think it’s disgusting,” said Eric Trump.
“You read the transcripts [of President Trump's phone call to the soldier's widow]. What were your thoughts?” said Earhardt. Wait, transcripts? There are transcripts of the call? As far as I know, this is the first time we’re hearing about the existence of transcripts. Why have we not yet heard about these transcripts?
“To me this is a clear case of the media not doing their job. You read exactly what he said he said,” said Lara Trump. Wait, Lara Trump has read the transcripts of the call? This is news! Fox & Friends actually broke some news. Let’s talk about this news. Let’s talk about these transcripts!
“So let’s talk about the ba-by,” said Ainsley Earhardt, after the politics discussion had passed. She then went on to hold the baby, and praise the baby, and praise the décor of the baby’s room. “Your nursery’s beautiful. Did you decorate it?” Earhardt asked Lara Trump. Thank you, we did. And, you know, we have a lot of amazing books. We have one I think you’ll like, right over here.”
“Oh, you have my book!” said Earhardt. “You’re so sweet!”
We then returned to the Fox & Friends studio, where Steve Doocy neatly summarized Earhardt’s interview: “So we met the baby, and we heard a bunch of opinions about stuff in the news. Excellent job.” Your nonfake media, hard at work!
It is surreal to watch Fox News cover the Trump family in near-regal fashion—with all of the shallowness and servility the term implies—but I guess I understand it. The Trumps are the Kennedys of the one-world-conspiracy set. Donald Trump presides over a cult of personality, and its adherents demand that his children be treated with as much fealty and deference as their father. Lucky for them that Fox is happy to oblige.