The Trump Apocalypse Watch is a subjective daily estimate, using a scale of one to four horsemen, of how likely it is that Donald Trump will be elected president, thus triggering an apocalypse in which we all die.
Today’s polls weren’t a disaster for Hillary Clinton, but they weren’t great. Her numbers have been on the schneid for a while; part of that seems attributable to independents bailing on her after FBI director James Comey’s now-infamous letter to Congress, but part of it’s because Trump is gaining with Republicans who’ve presumably decided to just throw in the towel and vote for their party’s nominee even though he’s Donald Trump. In general, Trump has done poorly in this election at moments when he’s most exposed to the public—the debates and his Access Hollywood news cycle most prominently—and has crept back during times, like the last few weeks, when he’s been less in the limelight.
Which means it’s time for Hillary Clinton to goad Trump into saying something massively offensive, like he did about Khizr Khan and Alicia Machado, that will re-seize the news cycle. Who better for that job than Rosie O’Donnell, the original Woman Who Perplexes and Enrages Donald Trump? The feud started in 2006 and, of course, involved the Miss USA pageant; O’Donnell criticized Trump for something he’d done and called him a snake-oil salesman, and in response Trump said that she was “fat.” (Good one!)
Thus, for America, Rosie O’Donnell needs to give a speech suggesting that Donald Trump’s genitals are small and inadequate.
Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Getty Images, Wikimedia Commons
