The Slatest

Donald Trump Will Win Over Washington With Big Lobsters

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Donald Trump speaks following his victory in the Indiana primary on Tuesday.

Spencer Platt/Getty Images

And now comes the “pivot to the general,” the bloodless term for when a candidate, party nomination essentially clinched, shifts his tone for a wider audience. In a New York Times feature about how Donald Trump says he would govern if elected, the presumptive Republican nominee emphasizes that his first 100 days would be more focused on consensus building between groups rather than brusque combat.

Trump would first work to ingratiate himself with legislative leaders by rendering them to South Florida and stuffing them with arthropods. “He would launch a charm offensive to start ‘building a government based on relationships,’ ” the Times writes, “perhaps inviting the Republican leaders Paul D. Ryan and Mitch McConnell to escape the chilly Washington fall and schmooze at Mar-a-Lago over golf and two-pound lobsters.”

He tells the Times that “I know people aren’t sure right now what a President Trump will be like … [b]ut things will be fine,” and adds that he’s “not running for president to make things unstable for the country.” That quote, however, immediately follows a list of agenda items for the first 100 days that mostly would make things unstable for the country.

On Inauguration Day, he would go to a “beautiful” gala ball or two, but focus mostly on rescinding Obama executive orders on immigration and calling up corporate executives to threaten punitive measures if they shift jobs out of the United States.

And by the end of his first 100 days as the nation’s 45th leader, the wall with Mexico would be designed, the immigration ban on Muslims would be in place, the audit of the Federal Reserve would be underway and plans to repeal the Affordable Care Act would be in motion.

What about foreign policy? Ceding civilian control of the military appears to be a top priority. “He talked of turning the Oval Office into a high-powered board room, empowering military leaders over foreign affairs specialists in national security debates, and continuing to speak harshly about adversaries.” Calling foreign leaders “would not necessarily be a priority” because he doesn’t want America getting more “entangled” in the world. We’re just talking about phone calls, here.

He might name his son-in-law Jared Kushner, publisher of the New York Observer, to an administration position.

You excited yet? Ari Fleischer, the former George W. Bush press secretary who is now pretending to like Trump probably because he can profit off of it, thinks this all sounds swell. “It’s almost like Trump is playing a shrewd game,” Fleischer tells the Times. “Tough campaigner today. Great deal maker later.” Oh yeah, for sure.

Read more Slate coverage of the 2016 campaign.