Bill Maher is sympathetic to the horrible version of Sophie’s Choice that Republicans are currently facing. The difference between the Republican nominating contest and the classic movie is tha tnow “Sophie’s horrible choice isn’t that she can’t save both her children, it’s that one of them has to live,” Maher said. The comedian claims Republicans have even been coming to him for help about “who is less awful.”
And it’s a difficult question. Picking between Sen. Ted Cruz and Donald Trump is sort of like choosing whether to get Ebola or Zika, Maher said. Trump is like Ebola that will “violently kill you right away” while Cruz is akin to Zika in that “we won’t see the damage until future generations.”
“Republicans, I feel your pain,” he said. “You’re stuck between a rock and a gross place. The House of Asshole or the House of Douchebag. Team Werewolf or Team Vampire. Verizon or AT&T. But we have to accept that being a grown-up means hard choices between disgusting options.”
Maher then declares his allegiance to Cruz before quickly drinking some bleach.
“Here’s the deal breaker with Donald Trump: he’s a lunatic,” Maher continued. “If a non-rich or non-white person said the things he says, they wouldn’t put him in the White House, they’d put him in Bellevue. We can’t make a crazy person commander-in-chief, there are actual job requirements. It’s not like Mardi Gras parade king.”
That of course doesn’t mean Cruz would actually be good, it’s just the alternative is so much worse.
“Yes, Ted Cruz will be our worst president, but Donald Trump might well be our last,” Maher said. “Which is why I say: Better Ted Than Dead.”
