CNN has blocked off a robust 165 minutes of airtime for tonight’s Republican presidential debate, which involves roughly 1,000 candidates, many of whom are legally insane. The responsibility for managing this madness falls to moderator Wolf Blitzer, and if you haven’t seen it before, I highly, highly recommend watching the highlights of the Sept. 17, 2009, episode of celebrity Jeopardy! on which Blitzer—a man who is paid literally millions of dollars a year to discuss the most important matters of our time on national television—was thoroughly trounced in a general-knowledge competition by late-night comedian Andy Richter and Desperate Housewives actress Dana Delany.
They had to arbitrarily award him $5,600 so he could have money to bet in Final Jeopardy.
Blitzer’s least triumphant moments:
- Prompt: “’ If you can read, you can cook,’ she wrote in the introduction to her classic Mastering the Art of French Cooking.” Wolf’s response: “Julia Childs.” Correct response: Julia Child.
- Prompt: “An accused person in court, along with his counsel.” (Important note: the category that this prompt was in was called “E” Times Three and its rule was that each correct response was a word spelled with three E’s.) Wolf’s response: “A defendant.” Correct response: The defense.
- Prompt: “King David and Jesus both hailed from this town.” Wolf’s response: “Jerusalem.” Correct response: Bethlehem. (This one was also in the “E” Times Three category. There are not three E’s in Jerusalem.)
- Prompt: “Selected some material from a larger work.” (Another one from “E” Times Three.) Wolf’s response: “Annotated.” (Oh my God. Wolf! Three E’s!) Correct response: Excerpted.
- Prompt: “The 1850s saw a bad one of this five-letter word that refers to an economic crash & the fear-driven rush to sell.” Wolf’s response: “A crash.” Correct response: Panic.
Tonight our national discourse is in the hands of a man who guessed that “crash” was the answer to “A word that refers to a crash.”
