Ah, so this one is going to take a second to explain. Tuesday morning, Internet rumor guy Matt Drudge posted a big breaking story about how, in the upcoming movie The Revenant, Leonardo DiCaprio apparently gets raped by a bear.
Jeb Bush communications director Tim Miller saw this and had questions. Well, one question.
Are there any recorded examples of a bear raping a human in real life?— Tim Miller (@Timodc) December 1, 2015
A couple things here. First, one of the greatest all-time Onion articles is a 1995 piece, written in the style of a fun local-newspaper "Lighter Side" feature, about a zookeeper being raped by a bear. ("Astonished onlookers could 'bearly' believe what happened next—Barry began to brutally rape zookeeper Gilks!") Second, I just read the Drudge story about The Revenant, and this is part of it:
Why is that in quotation marks? There are no sources named in the article. Who said that? Was it the bear?
Things that didn't happen in/at THE REVENANT: 1.) DiCaprio raped by a bear; 2.) women fainting in the aisles.— Mark Dujsik (@markreviews) December 1, 2015