Jon Bois is a staffer at SB Nation, an entity that operates 300-ish team-specific, fan-oriented sports sites and maintains a home page at SBNation.com. Bois is one of the most entertaining writers on the Internet, combining humor, fiction, and new media in sui generis fashion. He recently published a 44,000-word alternate-universe history of Tim Tebow's Canadian football career, for example. (In our universe, Tim Tebow has never played Canadian football.) One of Bois's most well-known creations is Breaking Madden, a series of dispatches about playing EA Sports’ Madden football video games using, like, really bizarre custom settings. Seeing what happens when a team of 800-pound freaks confronts a team of tiny players who've all been given the name "Miniature Football Person McGee," that sort of thing. It sounds like a one-note joke, but it turns out that watching impossible situations play out in sophisticated virtual reality is actually endlessly hilarious/fascinating/weird. And ominous: It's a programmed sci-fi dystopia. Some unpredictable stuff happens. For now, we can still shut off the XBox when things go haywire. But only for now. Watch your back, is all I'm saying.
Anyway, Breaking Madden is back, and in this entry, Bois contrives to allow rookie Jadeveon Clowney to set the NFL's all-time career sack record in his "first game." This happens:
That's a 3-foot-tall-ish computer player comforting Washington's Robert Griffin III as Jadeveon Clowney dances. Click through and enjoy the whole piece!
TODAY IN SLATE
The Democrats’ War at Home
How can the president’s party defend itself from the president’s foreign policy blunders?
An Iranian Woman Was Sentenced to Death for Killing Her Alleged Rapist. Can Activists Save Her?
Piper Kerman on Why She Dressed Like a Hitchcock Heroine for Her Prison Sentencing
Windows 8 Was So Bad That Microsoft Will Skip Straight to Windows 10
We Need to Talk: A Terrible Name for a Good Women’s Sports Show
Cringing. Ducking. Mumbling.
How GOP candidates react whenever someone brings up reproductive rights or gay marriage.
How Even an Old Hipster Can Age Gracefully
On their new albums, Leonard Cohen, Robert Plant, and Loudon Wainwright III show three ways.