Amazing North Korea News "Analysis" Finds Life in U.S. “a Living Hell”

The Slatest
Your News Companion by Ben Mathis-Lilley
May 5 2014 4:28 PM

North Korea News "Analysis" Deduces Life in the U.S. “Is a Living Hell”

167884565-passersby-watch-a-local-television-broadcast-in-seoul
North Korea does the news.

Photo by KIM JAE-HWAN/AFP/Getty Images

North Korea’s abysmal human rights record is pretty well known at this point. And it will take more than a marathon to change the country’s image. But, North Korea apparently has decided it's not going to be the world’s human rights-abusing piñata anymore and has come up with a plan. Control the news cycle.

So, late last week, the reclusive and dictatorial pot went in search of a kettle that it could pick on. And with that in mind, straight from the good folks at the state-run Korea Central News Agency in Pyongyang, comes this “News Analysis on Poor Human Rights Records in US.” The North Korean analysis of the U.S. begins subtly: “As the world's worst human rights abuser…” And away we go. If you want a take away Cliffs Notes version of the piece, here it is: “The U.S. is a living hell as elementary rights to existence are ruthlessly violated.”

Advertisement

If you’re in for the long haul, here are the data points that KCNA connects to show that life in the U.S. is, objectively, “a living hell.”

Trayvon Martin:

Under the citizenship act, racialism is getting more severe in the U.S. The gaps between the minorities and the whites are very wide in the exercise of such rights to work and elect. The U.S. true colors as a kingdom of racial discrimination was fully revealed by last year's case that the Florida Court gave a verdict of not guilty to a white policeman who shot to death an innocent black boy. That's why 52 percent of the Americans have said that racism still exists in the country while 46 percent contended that all sorts of discrimination would be everlasting.

Unemployment:

At present, an average of 300,000 people a week are registered as unemployed, but any proper measure has not been taken.

Housing Prices (a bit technical, but we’ll roll with it):

The housing price soared 11.5 percent last year than 2012 and 13.2 percent in January this year than 2013, leaving many people homeless.

Crime:

All sorts of crimes rampant in the U.S. pose a serious threat to the people's rights to existence and their inviolable rights.

NSA Snooping:

The U.S. government has monitored every movement of its citizens and foreigners, with many cameras and tapping devices and even drones involved, under the pretext of "national security".

Guns:

Meanwhile, bills on easing arms control were adopted in various states of the country, boosting murderous crimes. As a result, the U.S. has witnessed an increasing number of gun-related crimes in all parts of the country and even its military bases this year. In this regard, the United Nations on April 10 put the U.S. on the top of the world list of homicide rates.

Prisons:

The U.S. also has 2.2 millions of prisoners at present, the highest number in the world. For lack of prisons on the part of the government, individuals are providing detention facilities to make money. A Russian TV said that in the U.S. the wealthy classes are now keen on the investment in providing private prisons for their high profit and so more people will be imprisoned.

So, that’s it. North Korea, apparently, is so American in its aversion to human rights it could be the 51st state. The comparison of the U.S. to North Korea is obviously far-fetched and wrong. The points made are, of course, problems the country faces, but are already much debated in American society. I’m not going to go over each, mostly because others already have. Check out Matt Ford at The Atlantic for a thorough analysis of the, ahem, analysis.

If nothing else, this North Korean news analysis marks the country’s grand entrance into the modern media world—where you had better be over-the-top, only partially partial to facts, and willing to make outlandish comparisons no matter where the hide. So, welcome North Korea. Along with the "a Russian TV said" citation, throw in a few Holocaust comparisons and soon you’ll have your own cable news show.

Elliot Hannon is a writer in Washington, D.C. Follow him on Twitter.

TODAY IN SLATE

Culturebox

The Ebola Story

How our minds build narratives out of disaster.

The Budget Disaster That Completely Sabotaged the WHO’s Response to Ebola

PowerPoint Is the Worst, and Now It’s the Latest Way to Hack Into Your Computer

The Shooting Tragedies That Forged Canada’s Gun Politics

A Highly Unscientific Ranking of Crazy-Old German Beers

Education

Welcome to 13th Grade!

Some high schools are offering a fifth year. That’s a great idea.

Culturebox

The Actual World

“Mount Thoreau” and the naming of things in the wilderness.

Want Kids to Delay Sex? Let Planned Parenthood Teach Them Sex Ed.

Would You Trust Walmart to Provide Your Health Care? (You Should.)

  News & Politics
Politics
Oct. 22 2014 9:42 PM Landslide Landrieu Can the Louisiana Democrat use the powers of incumbency to save herself one more time?
  Business
Continuously Operating
Oct. 22 2014 2:38 PM Crack Open an Old One A highly unscientific evaluation of Germany’s oldest breweries.
  Life
Gentleman Scholar
Oct. 22 2014 5:54 PM May I Offer to Sharpen My Friends’ Knives? Or would that be rude?
  Double X
The XX Factor
Oct. 22 2014 4:27 PM Three Ways Your Text Messages Change After You Get Married
  Slate Plus
Tv Club
Oct. 22 2014 5:27 PM The Slate Walking Dead Podcast A spoiler-filled discussion of Episodes 1 and 2.
  Arts
Culturebox
Oct. 22 2014 11:54 PM The Actual World “Mount Thoreau” and the naming of things in the wilderness.
  Technology
Future Tense
Oct. 22 2014 5:33 PM One More Reason Not to Use PowerPoint: It’s The Gateway for a Serious Windows Vulnerability
  Health & Science
Wild Things
Oct. 22 2014 2:42 PM Orcas, Via Drone, for the First Time Ever
  Sports
Sports Nut
Oct. 20 2014 5:09 PM Keepaway, on Three. Ready—Break! On his record-breaking touchdown pass, Peyton Manning couldn’t even leave the celebration to chance.