Galactic Empire, White House Engage in Intergalactic PR Battle

Your News Companion by Ben Mathis-Lilley
Jan. 15 2013 2:22 PM

Galactic Empire, White House Engage in Intergalactic PR Battle

DV715802
Some fans dressed in Star Wars costumes gather in a market in Santiago de Compostela, northwestern Spain, on May 21, 2010, to conmemorate the 30th anniversary of The Empire Strikes Back film

Photo by Miguel Riopa/AFP/Getty Images.

The Galactic Empire will see the White House's rather hilariously worded response last week to a We The People petition requesting the nation build a Death Star, and raise it this:

IMPERIAL CENTER, CORUSCANT—The overwhelming military superiority of the Galactic Empire has been confirmed once again by the recent announcement by the President of the United States that his nation would not attempt to build a Death Star, despite the bellicose demands of the people of his tiny, aggressive planet. "It is doubtless that such a technological terror in the hands of so primitive a world would be used to upset the peace and sanctity of the citizens of the Galactic Empire," said Governor Wilhuff Tarkin of the Outer Rim Territories. "Such destructive power can only be wielded to protect and defend by so enlightened a leader as Emperor Palpatine."
Advertisement

You can read the whole statement, titled "Planet Earth Abandons Death Star Project In Face of Superior Galactic Imperial Power" and credited to "Galactic Empire Public Relations," over at the Star Wars Blog. The best part is either when they refer to Earth as the "unimaginatively named planet" or when they caution everyone/thing not to believe the "exaggerated claims of there being a weakness in the Death Star design." Still, for my money, neither line tops the simplicity of the White House petition response's headline: "This Isn't the Petition Response You're Looking For."

***Follow @JoshVoorhees and the rest of the @slatest team on Twitter.***

Josh Voorhees is a Slate senior writer. He lives in Iowa City. 

TODAY IN SLATE

Politics

The Democrats’ War at Home

How can the president’s party defend itself from the president’s foreign policy blunders?

Congress’ Public Shaming of the Secret Service Was Political Grandstanding at Its Best

Michigan’s Tradition of Football “Toughness” Needs to Go—Starting With Coach Hoke

A Plentiful, Renewable Resource That America Keeps Overlooking

Animal manure.

Windows 8 Was So Bad That Microsoft Will Skip Straight to Windows 10

Politics

Cringing. Ducking. Mumbling.

How GOP candidates react whenever someone brings up reproductive rights or gay marriage.

Building a Better Workplace

You Deserve a Pre-cation

The smartest job perk you’ve never heard of.

Hasbro Is Cracking Down on Scrabble Players Who Turn Its Official Word List Into Popular Apps

Florida State’s New President Is Underqualified and Mistrusted. He Just Might Save the University.

  News & Politics
Politics
Sept. 30 2014 9:33 PM Political Theater With a Purpose Darrell Issa’s public shaming of the head of the Secret Service was congressional grandstanding at its best.
  Business
Moneybox
Sept. 30 2014 7:02 PM At Long Last, eBay Sets PayPal Free
  Life
Gaming
Sept. 30 2014 7:35 PM Who Owns Scrabble’s Word List? Hasbro says the list of playable words belongs to the company. Players beg to differ.
  Double X
The XX Factor
Sept. 30 2014 12:34 PM Parents, Get Your Teenage Daughters the IUD
  Slate Plus
Behind the Scenes
Sept. 30 2014 3:21 PM Meet Jordan Weissmann Five questions with Slate’s senior business and economics correspondent.
  Arts
Brow Beat
Sept. 30 2014 8:54 PM Bette Davis Talks Gender Roles in a Delightful, Animated Interview From 1963
  Technology
Future Tense
Sept. 30 2014 7:00 PM There’s Going to Be a Live-Action Tetris Movie for Some Reason
  Health & Science
Medical Examiner
Sept. 30 2014 11:51 PM Should You Freeze Your Eggs? An egg freezing party is not a great place to find answers to this or other questions.
  Sports
Sports Nut
Sept. 30 2014 5:54 PM Goodbye, Tough Guy It’s time for Michigan to fire its toughness-obsessed coach, Brady Hoke.