Beard baubles are so last year. This year, hirsute hipsters too cool for ugly Christmas sweaters have decided to pay tribute to the spirit of the holidays by glitter-bombing their beards.
This aggressively attention-seeking assault on dignity, complete with an Instagram hashtag, has otherwise been glitter-bombing its way around the Internet, inspiring Out magazine to run the op-ed “Understanding the Glitter Beard” (“the general conversation mistakes the affect for a fad instead of understanding it as a commentary” on conventional standards of manhood, it earnestly argues), itself a defense against Esquire’s plea that the glitter bearding of ironic facial hair is a thing that must be stopped.
Below, a so-called tutorial for achieving glitter beard from Brian and Johnathan, the Portland, Oregon–based bearded best friends known as the Gay Beards, whose technique will in no way spare glitter-beard enthusiasts from leaving a trail of sparkly dandruff in their wake.