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Exposed: Athletes Use Painkillers to Kill Pain, and Other Sports Scandals

For everyone who believed the Super Bowl was nothing but wholesome, uplifting entertainment, ESPN has prepared a devastating “Outside the Lines” expose of the

dark side of the National Football League

:

Painkiller Misuse Numbs NFL Pain

ST. LOUIS - Retired NFL players misuse opioid pain medications at a rate more than four times that of the general population, and new evidence suggests that is occurring because players misused the painkillers during their NFL careers, according to a study published online today in Drug and Alcohol Dependence, a peer-reviewed, scientific journal.

Peer reviewed and scientific! Former NFL lineman Kyle Turley testifies to the fact that 300-pound men who beat each other up every week widely use pain-killing medications so that they can keep beating each other up:

Under pressure to perform on Sundays, Turley said, players routinely numb their NFL injuries with prescription painkillers and risk long-term debilitating injuries.

“I know guys that have bought thousands of pills,” Turley said. “Tons of guys would take Vicodin before a game.”

Pro football players cover up the pain in their damaged bodies with Vicodin. Some of them get addicted.

Who ever knew such a thing?

What other shocking, secret truths about our most beloved, innocent sports does ESPN’s investigative team have its eye on? A few possibilities:

Gymnasts Denied Normal Childhoods

Many Married Athletes Have Extramarital Sex

Coaches Use Swear Words, Cruelty

Star College Athletes Neglect Education, Get Paid by Boosters

Baseball Agents Demand Contracts Out of Proportion to Players’ Talents

Athletes Endorse Products Because They Are Paid To, Rather Than Because They Happened to Independently Decide They Liked Those Products and Wanted To Share the News

Pro Athletes Praise Local Fans, But Still Switch Teams For Money