Stupid Valentine's Day Diner Requests

Quora
The best answer to any question.
Feb. 12 2013 3:32 PM

Stupid Valentine's Day Diner Requests

73312191
Chefs hate Valentine's Day, so maybe just get chocolates for your love.

Photo by Andreas Solaro/AFP/Getty Images

jluster

This post originally appeared on Quora.

Answer by Jonas M Luster, jml.is:


Most chefs hate Valentine's Day. The staff is grumpy because it's (next to Mother's Day) the least-tipped holiday, cooks are grumpy because we cram more people into the space than we can possibly feed, chefs are grumpy because we're relegated to smaller menus with idiotic little gimmick dishes that somehow are supposed to convey love, and diners are not only grumpy, they're outright crazy.

Working on Valentine's Day means seeing the kind of people one doesn't see the rest of the year. It means that the smell of flowers wafts into the kitchens and makes even the most hardened cooks want to kill someone. It means saccharine sweet proclamations in front and the weeds in back, owing both to unfamiliar menus and stupid Valentine's Day dinner requests.

Advertisement

Here are some of my favorites from 2011 alone:

  • The couple asking for a special meal to celebrate their sixth anniversary. "Sweet," I think. And then I look at the request. When said couple met at our place years ago, they were happily dining omnivores. Now they're raw food vegans who eschew gluten and do not eat high-carb vegetables such as potatoes or even gluten-free flour.
  • The guy who wanted to propose to his girlfriend and asked me to hide the ring in the main course: a solid slab of seared foie gras on a bed of microgreens. When I suggested the dessert course, he told me that he expected "to get dumped or laid" and wanted to make it quick.
  • Countless requests to draw hearts on things like steaks, pancakes (PANCAKES?), or to form a chicken breast in the shape of one.
  • Returned meals because they weren't "romantic enough"—like our tapioca pearls and salted dark chocolate fondue which was returned because the "pearls remind us of diamond slavery in Nigeria and we can't eat this."
  • The guy who took his girlfriend out for dinner and then faked a heart attack because he couldn't afford the check after ordering an $800 bottle of wine with his $250 prix fixe.
  • The girl who drank too much at dinner and then barfed into the restaurant entrance. At 8 p.m., right as the rush started.
  • The guy who took his girlfriend out for Valentine's Day and ran into his wife, who was being taken out by her boyfriend, leading to a fight between two scrawny accountant types in the back alley.

And my top idiotic special dinner requests list:

  • 18 mini-cakes spelling "I love you honeybuns!" when arranged properly.
  • A cake looking like Engelbert Humperdinck
  • "The meal they're cooking at (competition) only from you, because you're cheaper and the music is better"
  • "We'd like to bring our own food and wine, but the kids will drink your soda, no worries"
  • "My mother wants to be in the kitchen when her meal is cooked, she trusts no one and says Valentine's day is when you put drugs in the food"


Yeah, I love Valentine's Day.

More posts from The Other Side on Quora:

TODAY IN SLATE

Politics

Smash and Grab

Will competitive Senate contests in Kansas and South Dakota lead to more late-breaking races in future elections?

Even When They Go to College, the Poor Sometimes Stay Poor

Here’s Just How Far a Southern Woman May Have to Drive to Get an Abortion

The Most Ingenious Teaching Device Ever Invented

Marvel’s Civil War Is a Far-Right Paranoid Fantasy

It’s also a mess. Can the movies do better?

Behold

Sprawl, Decadence, and Environmental Ruin in Nevada

Space: The Next Generation

An All-Female Mission to Mars

As a NASA guinea pig, I verified that women would be cheaper to launch than men.

Watching Netflix in Bed. Hanging Bananas. Is There Anything These Hooks Can’t Solve?

The Procedural Rule That Could Prevent Gay Marriage From Reaching SCOTUS Again

  News & Politics
Foreigners
Oct. 20 2014 6:49 PM God’s Oligarch One of Vladimir Putin’s favorite businessmen wants to start an Orthodox Christian Fox News and return Russia to its glorious czarist past.
  Business
Moneybox
Oct. 20 2014 6:48 PM Apple: Still Enormously Profitable
  Life
Outward
Oct. 20 2014 3:16 PM The Catholic Church Is Changing, and Celibate Gays Are Leading the Way
  Double X
The XX Factor
Oct. 20 2014 6:17 PM I Am 25. I Don't Work at Facebook. My Doctors Want Me to Freeze My Eggs.
  Slate Plus
Tv Club
Oct. 20 2014 7:15 AM The Slate Doctor Who Podcast: Episode 9 A spoiler-filled discussion of "Flatline."
  Arts
Brow Beat
Oct. 20 2014 6:32 PM Taylor Swift’s Pro-Gay “Welcome to New York” Takes Her Further Than Ever From Nashville 
  Technology
Future Tense
Oct. 20 2014 4:59 PM Canadian Town Cancels Outdoor Halloween Because Polar Bears
  Health & Science
Medical Examiner
Oct. 20 2014 11:46 AM Is Anybody Watching My Do-Gooding? The difference between being a hero and being an altruist.
  Sports
Sports Nut
Oct. 20 2014 5:09 PM Keepaway, on Three. Ready—Break! On his record-breaking touchdown pass, Peyton Manning couldn’t even leave the celebration to chance.