Fox News, Queen of Accidental Self-Satire, Compares Gay Marriage to Dog Marriage

Expanding the LGBTQ Conversation
July 9 2014 11:32 AM

Fox News, the Network Where “Spouse” Clearly Includes Your Dog

Love is love.

WilleeCole Photography /

As dedicated readers will know, I’ve always found Fox News somewhat charming: The channel’s unrelenting stream of bigoted mediocrity serves as its own best self-satire. Watching this low-rent nonsense curdle into black comedy is a favorite pastime of mine.

On Wednesday, Fox gave us another great entry into the “so doltish it must be parody” log via guest commentary by the always quotable Dr. Keith Ablow. When asked about a new, commonsensical California statute that replaces the words “husband and wife” with “spouses” throughout state law, Ablow labeled the measure “nuts,” explaining:

Here’s what we can expect. There’s no way that the state of California can deny a marriage license to four spouses now, eight spouses, or, I would say, three human spouses and the canine they absolutely love. Because if love is the foundation of marriage, they can love their dog, too.

The host tells Ablow, rather puzzlingly, “you’re one lucky guy” before ending the segment. He and his cohosts look visibly amused—as we all should be. At this point, Fox is an exercise in modern theater of the absurd, and its hard-right ramblings aren’t worth our umbrage. Instead, we should be thankful for the opportunity to watch the mouthpiece of mainstream American conservatism implode before our eyes.

Mark Joseph Stern is a writer for Slate. He covers science, the law, and LGBTQ issues.



The Democrats’ War at Home

How can the president’s party defend itself from the president’s foreign policy blunders?

An Iranian Woman Was Sentenced to Death for Killing Her Alleged Rapist. Can Activists Save Her?

Piper Kerman on Why She Dressed Like a Hitchcock Heroine for Her Prison Sentencing

Windows 8 Was So Bad That Microsoft Will Skip Straight to Windows 10

Homeland Is Good Again! For Now.


Cringing. Ducking. Mumbling.

How GOP candidates react whenever someone brings up reproductive rights or gay marriage.


How Even an Old Hipster Can Age Gracefully

On their new albums, Leonard Cohen, Robert Plant, and Loudon Wainwright III show three ways.

The U.S. Has a New Problem in Syria: The Moderate Rebels Feel Like We’ve Betrayed Them

We Need to Talk: A Terrible Name for a Good Sports Show by and About Women

Trending News Channel
Oct. 1 2014 1:25 PM Japanese Cheerleader Robots Balance and Roll Around on Balls
  News & Politics
The World
Oct. 1 2014 12:20 PM Don’t Expect Hong Kong’s Protests to Spread to the Mainland
Oct. 1 2014 2:16 PM Wall Street Tackles Chat Services, Shies Away From Diversity Issues 
The Eye
Oct. 1 2014 1:04 PM An Architectural Crusade Against the Tyranny of Straight Lines
  Double X
The XX Factor
Oct. 1 2014 2:08 PM We Need to Talk: Terrible Name, Good Show
  Slate Plus
Behind the Scenes
Oct. 1 2014 3:24 PM Revelry (and Business) at Mohonk Photos and highlights from Slate’s annual retreat.
Brow Beat
Oct. 1 2014 3:02 PM The Best Show of the Summer Is Getting a Second Season
Future Tense
Oct. 1 2014 3:01 PM Netizen Report: Hong Kong Protests Trigger Surveillance and Social Media Censorship
  Health & Science
Oct. 1 2014 4:03 PM Does the Earth Really Have a “Hum”? Yes, but probably not the one you’re thinking.
Sports Nut
Sept. 30 2014 5:54 PM Goodbye, Tough Guy It’s time for Michigan to fire its toughness-obsessed coach, Brady Hoke.