As you run around this month trying to put in appearances at all the holiday gatherings you’ve been invited to—congratulations on being so popular, by the way—inevitably your energy will flag. When a full social dance card meets the all-important Q4 at work, as the oeuvre of Nancy Meyers reminds us, something’s gotta give. Whether you develop an actual physical ailment or just decide that your mental health could benefit from a night off, you’ll probably end up having to miss some after-work drinks session, group dinner, or Secret Santa reveal along the way. And when it happens, here is how to avoid feeling guilty about it: Send drinks in your absence.
This simple trick, when deployed properly, is not so much a crowd-pleaser as it is a crowd-impresser. At a recent birthday dinner I was attending (for, I, too, am very popular), one of the other guests came down with a cold beforehand and couldn’t make it. We asked after her at the beginning, but out of sight, out of mind, and we mostly went on with our night without her. Until! The waitress brought over a drink for the birthday girl, compliments of our missing friend. That brilliant bitch had called the restaurant, shelled out her credit card number, and instructed the wait staff to bring a cocktail over to the guest of honor. My mind, and everyone else’s at the table, was totally blown by the sheer thoughtfulness and crafty genius on display.
The notion of calling a restaurant—most millennials would sooner die than pick up the phone, and the “drink in absentia” is not yet an option on Seamless—and explaining that you are not currently there but would like the staff to locate someone who is and bring her a drink is exhausting. Doesn’t this seem like a complicated thing to get across to a hostess or bartender in a noisy, crowded venue? But the payoff is huge. Having a free drink appear at your table from someone who isn’t even there is magic! You’ve proved that you were not merely malingering, first of all, because if you were too lazy to make it to the gathering, then why would you go through the whole rigmarole of sending a phone drink? You’ve also subtly reminded your guests of your existence, earning yourself props without having to go through the in-person interactions it usually takes to get people thinking good things about you. Sure, you’ve spent something like 20 bucks on a drink plus tip (where I live, at least), but it’s way less than you would have spent on dinner and drinks for yourself plus maybe a gift and your portion of the birthday-haver’s meal, so you’re still coming out ahead in the long run. It’s masterful on multiple levels.
This pro-move, by the way, is not meant to contribute to the valorization of canceling plans that seems to be spreading across the internet. If you want to not have plans so much, don’t make plans, I say! It is of the utmost importance that this gesture not be overused or used disingenuously—thoughtfulness must remain at its core for it to be effective. It’s for when you really did want to be there.
The most optimal way to use this tip is in a situation like the one I described, when your friends are at a restaurant or bar without you. But thanks to services like Minibar, Postmates, and the other spoils of the sharing economy, it’s easier than ever to send some cider over to your pal’s dinner party you had to miss or champagne to the New Year’s soirée you’re just not going to be able to make it to. This holiday season, even when you’re stuck at work or home in bed, if you do things right, your friends and loved ones will still consider you an excellent drinking buddy.
