Apple Finally Drops the Snark From its Samsung Apology... and Replaces It With Ungrammatical Gibberish

The Citizen's Guide to the Future
Nov. 2 2012 12:17 PM

Apple Finally Drops the Snark From its Samsung Apology... and Replaces It With Ungrammatical Gibberish

Apple's new Samsung apology
Because apologies are more sincere when they're filled with random capitalization, desultory punctuation, and long URLs.

Image courtesy of Tim Acheson

The story so far: After winning a big patent lawsuit against Samsung in the United States, Apple loses its case in the United Kingdom. A U.K. judge orders the company to publish a notice of the decision on its website and in major British newspapers. Apple complies in the most smart-alecky way possible. Judges are not amused, order a correction within 48 hours.

This morning, a fresh batch of Apple ads cropped up in British newspapers, and blogger Tim Acheson snapped the above picture, from page 5 of The Guardian. On first glance, it seems the company has finally dropped the editorializing about how Samsung's products are "not as cool" as the iPad.

Of course, that was the only part of its original notice that was written in plain English. What's left is legalistic gibberish, and ungrammatical at that. Have you ever seen, in any official Apple marketing, a paragraph as incomprehensible and poorly edited as the one above? Would anyone reading the Guardian over tea in the morning read this and think, "Oh, I see, the Galaxy tablet isn't a ripoff of the iPad?" Is there any doubt whatsoever that Apple intentionally made this as unreadable as possible?

Advertisement

On the other hand, is there any way the judges can prove it?

Future Tense is a partnership of SlateNew America, and Arizona State University.

Will Oremus is Slate's senior technology writer.

TODAY IN SLATE

Politics

Talking White

Black people’s disdain for “proper English” and academic achievement is a myth.

Hong Kong’s Protesters Are Ridiculously Polite. That’s What Scares Beijing So Much.

The One Fact About Ebola That Should Calm You: It Spreads Slowly

Operation Backbone

How White Boy Rick, a legendary Detroit cocaine dealer, helped the FBI uncover brazen police corruption.

A Jaw-Dropping Political Ad Aimed at Young Women, Apparently

The XX Factor
Oct. 1 2014 4:05 PM Today in GOP Outreach to Women: You Broads Like Wedding Dresses, Right?
Music

How Even an Old Hipster Can Age Gracefully

On their new albums, Leonard Cohen, Robert Plant, and Loudon Wainwright III show three ways.

How Tattoo Parlors Became the Barber Shops of Hipster Neighborhoods

This Gargantuan Wind Farm in Wyoming Would Be the Hoover Dam of the 21st Century

Moneybox
Oct. 1 2014 8:34 AM This Gargantuan Wind Farm in Wyoming Would Be the Hoover Dam of the 21st Century To undertake a massively ambitious energy project, you don’t need the government anymore.
  News & Politics
Politics
Oct. 1 2014 7:26 PM Talking White Black people’s disdain for “proper English” and academic achievement is a myth.
  Business
Buy a Small Business
Oct. 1 2014 11:48 PM Inking the Deal Why tattoo parlors are a great small-business bet.
  Life
Outward
Oct. 1 2014 6:02 PM Facebook Relaxes Its “Real Name” Policy; Drag Queens Celebrate
  Double X
The XX Factor
Oct. 1 2014 5:11 PM Celebrity Feminist Identification Has Reached Peak Meaninglessness
  Slate Plus
Behind the Scenes
Oct. 1 2014 3:24 PM Revelry (and Business) at Mohonk Photos and highlights from Slate’s annual retreat.
  Arts
Brow Beat
Oct. 1 2014 9:39 PM Tom Cruise Dies Over and Over Again in This Edge of Tomorrow Supercut
  Technology
Future Tense
Oct. 1 2014 6:59 PM EU’s Next Digital Commissioner Thinks Keeping Nude Celeb Photos in the Cloud Is “Stupid”
  Health & Science
Science
Oct. 1 2014 4:03 PM Does the Earth Really Have a “Hum”? Yes, but probably not the one you’re thinking.
  Sports
Sports Nut
Oct. 1 2014 5:19 PM Bunt-a-Palooza! How bad was the Kansas City Royals’ bunt-all-the-time strategy in the American League wild-card game?