Who Said It: Toronto Mayor Rob Ford or Simpsons Mayor Diamond Joe Quimby?

Crime
A blog about murder, theft, and other wickedness.
Nov. 6 2013 10:00 AM

Who Said It: Toronto Mayor Rob Ford or Simpsons Mayor Diamond Joe Quimby?

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford and Springfield Mayor Joe Quimby
Toronto Mayor Rob Ford and Springfield Mayor Joe Quimby

Photo by David Cooper/Toronto Star/Getty Images (Ford) Courtesy of FOX Broadcasting (Quimby)

“Yes, I have smoked crack cocaine,” Toronto Mayor Rob Ford told reporters on Tuesday. He then added: “There have been times when I’ve been in a drunken stupor.” The highly quotable Ford has never sounded more like the Simpsons’ fictional mayor, Diamond Joe Quimby. Back in May, Justin Peters put together an extremely difficult Ford-or-Quimby? quiz. Put yourself to the test below.

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On Thursday, Gawker’s John Cook reported the existence of a video that allegedly shows Toronto Mayor Rob Ford smoking crack cocaine. Since entering public service as a city councilor in 2000, Ford has been known for his odd and improper public behavior and comments, a habit that only got worse after he was elected mayor in 2010. Whether he’s accosting out-of-towners at a hockey game, offering to help procure OxyContin for a constituent, or railing against streetcars and anti-poverty activists, Ford has consistently tested the limits of “mayoral behavior.”

In fact, the public servant Ford most closely resembles is the fictional mayor from The Simpsons, Diamond Joe Quimby. Both men are heavyset. Both are often at odds with constituents, colleagues, and the press. And both are prone to saying outrageous things in public.

I’ve prepared a 20-question quiz of quotes from Ford and Quimby. Which mayor said which wildly inappropriate thing? Answers are at the bottom.

1. “Are these morons getting dumber or just louder?”

2. “It’s hard to hide 300 pounds of fun.”

3. “People don't want to see their mayor stuck in an office all the time, they want to see him right at their door.”

4. “We'll blow up our dams, destroy forests, anything! If there's a species of animal causing problems, nosing around your camera, we'll have it wiped out.”

5. “Demand? Who are you to demand anything? I run this town. You’re just a bunch of low-income nobodies.”

6. “Let’s call a spade a spade. The left would have taken it and just wanted to spend it on crazy, stupid things like more social programs ...”

7. “Oh my god, I never want to hurt a bike. That’s the last thing I want to do, precious little bikes.”

8. “I ordered the re-opening of this prison to send a message to the criminals of [name of city]. If you commit a violent crime in my town, you are going to end up here. To demonstrate what you're in for, I will now strap myself into this electric chair, which was deactivated over 30 years ago, and, I can only assume, still is.”

9. “Water is the healthiest form of liquid.”

10. “By the way, this woman is not my wife, but I am sleeping with her. I'm telling you this because I'm comfortable with my womanizing."

11. “I'm sick of you people, you’re nothing but a pack of fickle mush heads.”

12. “Tuesday, Nov. 27, I’m going to be playing hooky from City Hall.”

13. “Those Oriental people work like dogs. … They're slowly taking over.”

14. “Now on to the next item, the proposal for putting term limits on public office. All those in favor say, ‘I have sex with animals.’ ”

15. “I’d love to see us sell the zoo and make money on it if we can. ... Keep the elephants here and take it from there.”

16. “You don't scare me, that could be anyone's ass. Now beat it! I'm calling the shots.”

17.  “I will retract the word ‘ass.’ ”

18. “Very well, if that is the way the winds are blowing, let no one say I don't also blow.”

19. “You are tampering with forces you can't understand, we have major corporations sponsoring this event.”

20. “I’m as clean as the days are long.”

ANSWERS:

Ford: 2, 3, 6, 7, 9, 12, 13, 15, 17, 20

Quimby: 1, 4, 5, 8, 10, 11, 14, 16, 18, 19

Justin Peters is a writer for Slate. He is working on a book about Aaron Swartz, copyright, and the rise of “free culture.” Email him at justintrevett@fastmail.fm.

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