Jan. 29: What I Ate. Why Am I Feeling Shame?

Outrageous experiments in sensible eating.
Jan. 29 2011 10:08 PM

Jan. 29: What I Ate. Why Am I Feeling Shame?

For breakfast: Kashi GoLean, skim milk, banana.

Ellen Tarlin Ellen Tarlin

Ellen Tarlin is a former Slate copy chief and writer of the "Clean Plate" blog. Her essays have appeared in the Boston Globe, the Boston PhoenixBrooklyn Bridge, Bark, and  the RISK storytelling podcast. Follow her on Twitter.

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Lunch: the split-pea soup that won't die, home-baked whole-wheat bread.

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Dinner: quasi-Mexican food. Corn tortillas, black beans, corn, brown rice, pico de gallo with substitutions, avocado, shredded cheese. Here's two. I actually had three, plus some extra fillings but I stopped photographing because the plate got too messy. I know it's a lot of starch, but it was totally delicious.

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Dessert: an orange, then (decaf) coffee with skim milk, two chocolates.

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I'm having a problem. I actually feel ashamed because I ate a lot of starch at dinner, ate an orange (too much sugar!), and ate two chocolates (junk food), because this is what commenters have been saying.

This is ridiculous and unproductive. I've gotten to the point at which I think I want to eat something but then I think, If I eat that, commenters will disapprove.

Absurd! I've lost 2 inches off my waist and my pants are falling off of me.

Did I eat enough today? I'm still hungry.

Addendum, Sunday, Jan. 30, 2011: I don't mean to suggest that people shouldn't be commenting--negative, positive, questioning, etc.--it's all good. I'm really trying to say that it's silly how I internalize it and make it into shame. And I'm not looking for pity! I just think this is important to bring up because this is what happens a LOT on diets. We start to feel shame--which is what I find ridiculous and absurd--and this is also what leads to obsessive-compulsiveness about dieting/losing weight. Please, keep the comments coming--and thank you!

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