On Thursday, the New York Times published a report in which several women, including Ashley Judd, accuse Harvey Weinstein of sexual harassment. A lawyer advising Weinstein, Lisa Bloom, told the NYT that “he denies many of the accusations as patently false,” and Weinstein lawyer Charles Harder, who helped Hulk Hogan bring down Gawker, claimed that the article “is saturated with false and defamatory statements about Harvey Weinstein.” He also said that they are preparing to sue.
But the response from Weinstein’s team didn’t end there. Weinstein also provided the New York Times with a statement written in response, and it is a thing to behold. Among the things that it tries to make somehow relevant to these allegations are the NRA, Weinstein’s opposition to Donald Trump, a new Harvey Weinstein movie project, and, of course, Jay-Z’s apology album to Beyoncé. It might actually be impossible to decide which sentence is the most bonkers in the incoherent, borderline incomprehensible statement. But one can certainly try.
7. “I came of age in the ’60s and ’70s, when all the rules about behavior and workplaces were different.”
He adds, “I have since learned it’s not an excuse,” but then why did you mention it?
6. “I so respect all women and regret what happened.”
Thinking face emoji.
5. “One year ago, I began organizing a $5 million foundation to give scholarships to women directors at USC. While this might seem coincidental, it has been in the works for a year.”
4. “I’m making a movie about our president …”
3. “I am going to need a place to channel that anger so I’ve decided that I’m going to give the NRA my full attention. I hope Wayne LaPierre will enjoy his retirement party.”
Yes, where everyone from Barack Obama to Michael Bloomberg has failed, perhaps Weinsten can succeed. Wayne LaPierre better start scouting the perfect spot for that party right about now.
2. “I’m going to do it at the same place I had my Bar Mitzvah.”
Wait, never mind! Harvey’s got you covered, Wayne.
1. “Jay-Z wrote in 4:44, ‘I’m not the man I thought I was and I better be that man for my children.’ The same is true for me.”