Lift us, Ryan Gosling, above the old routines,
SNL, hosted by … Jazzman!
When the Jazzman’s monologuin’, a faithless man believes,
He can sing you into paradise or explain you to your knees,
It’s a Gosling kind of feelin’, with a touch of Emma Stone,
And without their jazz revival, Coltrane woulda been unknown.
Jazzman, take my blues away!
Move your hands to match the band with every chord they play,
Jazzman, oh Jazzman!
When the Jazzman’s testifyin’, Kenan Thompson’s gotta go,
Watching white men claim they saved jazz causes darkness in his soul.
It’s as bad as Billy Crystal raising money for the flood,
Thompson cries like a fallen angel, Gosling’s cluelessness draws blood,
Jazzman, won’t you go away!
Make our pain unbearable with every word you say,
Leave us, won’t you leave us, you’re not even Carole King,
Walk off stage, never sing, oh, Jazzman!
(Extremely Long Saxophone Solo Until Fade-Out.)