Don’t bother tracing this, I won’t be on the line long. A certain video has come into our possession in which Kyle Mooney appears on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon and performs the Pointer Sisters’ 1982 classic “I’m So Excited.” No, I didn’t say “lip-syncs,” I said “performs.” It is exactly the video you imagine it to be, and we are fully prepared to post it on Slate in its entirety if our demands aren’t met. Just to refresh your memory, here’s the song I’m talking about:
Pretty fun, huh? Now imagine it in Kyle Mooney’s voice. Easy, there, bright boy, I think it’s pretty clear you’re not in any position to negotiate. We’ve got one minute and 17 seconds of Kyle Mooney singing the hit single from So Excited! while Jimmy Fallon alternates between looking on in horror and doing a little Jimmy Fallon dance. And before you do anything rash, you should know that Kyle Mooney really, really commits to the song, which seems to be a little out of his range. So maybe what you want to do is a little less talking and a little more listening, or else I’m gonna lose control, and you’re not gonna like it.
That’s better. You wanna hear what I’m so excited about? I’m excited about the fully fueled Bell 407 you’re going to land on the roof of the building within the hour. I’m excited about the $2 million in nonconsecutive bills, the three civilian parachutes, and the box of 16 dark chocolate champagne truffles from Teuscher I’m gonna find in that helicopter. I’m excited because you’re going to fly me, the money, the chocolate, and this video of Kyle Mooney singing “I’m So Excited” directly to the eastern end of runway 24L at LAX, where a … no, I don’t have anything against Kyle Mooney, I just … I know, I think Brigsby Bear looks amazing, too … Wait, are you stalling? Maybe you didn’t understand: I’m a desperate man, and I have a video of … Right, we’re desperate men, that’s what I meant to say, there’s definitely more than one of me, so … did you just cut the power to the building? All right, smart guy, we’ll do the neutron dance together and see who burns first. Remember: You chose this.
Now send me that helicopter, or I’ll set the video to autoplay.
