On Thursday, Forbes reported that a Broadway musical featuring songs from the beloved catalog of Britney Spears is in the works, following in the (lucrative) footsteps of such luminous pop stars as Elvis, Billy Joel, and ABBA. But director/choreographer Jerry Mitchell (Kinky Boots, the Gloria Estefan musical On Your Feet!), who is in talks with Spears’ managers, has stressed that the show would not be autobiographical. Well, that’s just outrageous. What a missed opportunity! Earlier this year, Lifetime blessed us with Britney Ever After, a shoddy, silly biopic of the sometimes-troubled pop star. As with most similar Lifetime projects, though, it was made sans the subject’s permission—and thus sans all of her songs. But this is Britney, bitch. She deserves better. How better to portray the highs and lows of one of the most eventful careers of the pop era than via a big, splashy musical?
I’m seeing a faceoff between peak Britney, toned and tanned circa 2003, and Fame—played by a hunky, attractive actor who carries around a giant pocket watch that can only tell time for up to 15 minutes—in an elaborate dance number to “Toxic.” As she sings, Fame tries to seduce her, and she gives in because she’s too high, can’t come down. Or, at one of her lowest points, feeling as though she just wants to quit this business altogether, she suddenly opens a YouTube video featuring a young man shrouded in a bedsheet, pleading for everyone to leave Britney alone—and the strength he gives her inspires her to start making music again. The song? (“Stronger”—her “And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going,” if you will.)
Or maybe this first-act extravaganza will change their minds. Imagine the chance to explore the psyche of one of this century’s most influential pop stars via a 15-minute dream ballet, set, of course, to “Everytime.” (Choreography for this epic centerpiece will be by Dance Moms’ Abby Lee Miller, who’ll need a new gig in a year.)
