The thing about Jeff Sessions is that if he weren’t staggeringly corrupt, astonishingly racist, and one of the most powerful people in the world, he’d be the funniest public figure in years. So naturally he’s the member of the Trump administration most likely to prosecute you for laughing at him—just ask Desiree Fairooz, facing jail time for laughing at Sessions during his confirmation hearing. To help Americans deal with this comedic triple threat—a man who sounds like Foghorn Leghorn, looks like a Keebler elf, and will throw you in prison if you notice—Late Night With Seth Meyers writer Amber Ruffin put together a tough-love guide on the subject of “How Not to Laugh at Jeff Sessions.”
Naturally, it’s mostly a list of things not to do. You absolutely should not think about the fact that he looks like, in Ruffin’s extraordinarily apt words, “a Mike Pence Shrinky Dink,” or “a Garbage Pail Kid named Plantation Nathan.” And for God’s sake, don’t turn the phrase “Jefferson Beauregard Sessions” over and over in your mind until it starts making you giggle. Ruffin’s one positive piece of advice echoes this tweet from Black List creator Franklin Leonard:
There really isn’t anything funny about Sessions’ record, and his plans for the future are even less amusing, unless you’re a prison magnate. We need to somehow return to America’s best days, when imagining someone saying, “Jefferson Beauregard Sessions, get your hand out of that cookie jar!” was an innocent pleasure and not grounds for imprisonment. But since that day hasn’t arrived yet, we should probably all kick in to get Ruffin a great criminal defense team.
