Donald Trump loves praise. He needs it. In fact, he’s so reliant on it that it’s influencing his policy decisions. His administration delayed plans to implement a new version of his controversial immigration ban to avoiding undercutting the positive press the president received for delivering an entire speech before Congress without ranting like an angry toddler.
“We want the [executive order] to have its own ‘moment,’ ” a White House official said of the decision to delay. Mind you, Trump first implemented a version of this executive order—which was later ruled unconstitutional—without any warning at all, justifying that move on the grounds that “bad dudes” would flood into the country before it could be enacted if there had been any delay. But apparently this time around, the safety of the American people is second to Trump’s ego. Surprise!
That revelation gave Late Show host Stephen Colbert an idea. In February, he created his own fake news network, Real News Tonight, in response to reports that Trump staffers were planting flattering stories to appease Trump and prevent him from going on Twitter rants. On Wednesday, Colbert brought back the program to praise our beloved leader once again—but this time, with a different agenda. If Trump will delay putting his awful policies into effect to preserve his good press, then surely we should just keep praising him until he’s out of office, and everything will be fine. “Trump talked the good words from his man-mouth,” noted definitely real news anchor “Jill Newslady,” with “Jim Anchorton” agreeing: “The best way to celebrate is to not enact any new policies.”
“Yes, he feels warm and safe, and the air smells like cookies, and everything will stay that way as long as he doesn’t do anything until the 2020 elections.”
Let’s just hope it works.
