Paul Ryan has big plans. He wants to repeal the Affordable Care Act, privatize Medicare, and cut taxes, and to do so, he’ll need to stay in the good graces of Donald Trump—whatever the cost to his integrity. Samantha Bee dedicated a segment of Full Frontal to the speaker of the House on Wednesday, tracking his path from a principled social and fiscal conservative to President Trump’s “faithful husky.”
Ryan was once considered the conscience of the Republican Party—or to put it another way, he was at least willing to feebly denounce the racist things Trump said and did during the campaign, though without ever actually condemning Trump himself. “Watching Ryan play moral watchdog was like watching Taylor Swift pretend to be surprised at awards shows. Bland and fake, but weirdly compelling,” noted Bee, playing side-by-side clips of the two. “Take another cue from Taylor Swift, Mr. Speaker: Know when to dump the guy you’ve only been pretending to like to help your career.”
Now, though, Trump is president of the United States, and nothing, not even the blatantly unconstitutional and immoral Muslim ban, will make Ryan speak up and risk upsetting the president—because doing so would mean jeopardizing his own agenda. “Paul Ryan would put Cthulhu in the White House if it would let him privatize Medicare,” said Bee. “Sure, it’s an eldritch creature of infinite darkness, but it can sign 20 tax-cut bills at once.”
Hey, there’s a reason Ryan was voted “Biggest Brown-Noser” in high school.