In another blow to the psyches of the internet man-children whose childhoods were retroactively ruined by female Ghostbusters, Anna Kendrick is in talks to star as a female Santa Claus, according to the Hollywood Reporter. The film, called Nicole, will be directed by Marc Lawrence, produced by Disney, and loathed by the worst people in the world. No one defines childhoods like Santa Claus, after all, not even Ghostbusters.
It’s not the first time Disney has reimagined jolly old Saint Nick; over the years, they’ve portrayed him as a Lucky Rabbit (Empty Socks, 1927), an advertising executive who looks and sounds suspiciously like Tim Allen (The Santa Clause, 1994) and, of course, a ruthless factory owner and racist toy dealer (Santa’s Workshop, 1932). But they’ve never gender-swapped the role before, and the Hollywood Reporter presents no evidence Disney is considering how seriously terrible, terrible people take the Y-chromosomes of fictional characters. (Next they’ll be telling us the computer wore ladies’ tennis shoes!)
There’s already plenty of precedent for Santa fandom being just as awful as, say, gamers: When Slate’s Aisha Harris suggested Santa be reimagined as a penguin, Santa fangirl Megyn Kelly hosted a full-on Fox News freakout about it, in which she alleged that Santa and Jesus (!) were both white men. And Harris had a male penguin in mind. It’s undeniably worthwhile to present an aspirational figure to young girls who dream of one day exploiting their own elven workforce, but is it worth the damage it will do to so many internet crybabies’ Christmas memories? Unless Disney gives that very serious question a very serious answer, Nicole belongs on the “naughty” list.
