Brow Beat

Stephen Colbert to WikiLeaks, Alex Jones, Conspiracy Theorists: “Grow the F— Up”

Stephen Colbert is no stranger to conspiracy theories—he even has his own Late Show segment dedicated to spinning some crazy webs of his own. But on Wednesday, the late-night host explained that he has actually found himself on the other side of the tinfoil hat, implicated in a real conspiracy theory: Pizzagate. Colbert naturally denied any involvement: “I have absolutely no part in the Pizzagate conspiracy … is what they want me to say.” He has some pretty compelling evidence for that denial though, because the story, of course, is fake.

How did Colbert come to be implicated in something as silly and dangerous as suggesting Hillary Clinton ran a child sex ring out of a Washington, D.C., pizzeria basement? For starters, Reddit conspiracy theorists took note when Colbert mentioned pizza during his Election Night Special. Suspicious! Colbert is also, according to Infowars host, friend to Donald Trump, and professional nutjob Alex Jones, on the Clinton payroll, as evidenced by a hacked Podesta email about a Colbert Report special featuring Bill Clinton. “For the record,” quipped Colbert, “[Clinton] can’t afford me.”

Colbert wrapped up the segment by revealing that he is in cahoots not only with the left but also with our current president-elect, producing actual evidence that Trump’s appearance on The Late Show was rehearsed beforehand. But Colbert chose not to share the details of that pre-interview, “because here’s what these conspiracy theorists don’t get. There’s a difference between a conspiracy and an agreement.”

“A conspiracy is what villains do. An agreement is what adults do.” So to WikiLeaks, Alex Jones, and the deep, dark corners of Reddit, Colbert had just this to say: “Grow the fuck up.”