Friday night, Mike Pence attended a performance of Hamilton that didn’t go quite the way he planned: the audience booed him and the cast delivered a statement telling the vice president–elect that they hoped “this show has inspired you to uphold our American values and work on behalf of all of us.”
Not surprisingly, noted theater critic Donald Trump wasn’t having any of it and immediately tweeted his outrage, using the baby-with-a-full-diaper prose style that has become his trademark.
Although Slate’s Mark Joseph Stern makes a good case that the audience was right to boo Pence, Trump’s claim—that even whiny bullies with toxic, murderous politics deserve to have safe spaces they can retreat to—isn’t entirely wrong. It’s just that Hamilton, a multicultural, inclusive reimagining of the nation’s early days, was exactly the wrong place for Pence to seek refuge. So in the interests of treating the new administration with exactly the respect they deserve, we’ve selected some plays where Pence and Trump might feel more at home.
The Music Man
Warner Bros.
This paean to small-town values and America’s heartland seems custom-made for the Indiana governor, even if he’s not from Gary. As a Republican—and Trump’s running mate—the vice president–elect will find much to love in Meredith Willson’s moving tragedy about the brilliant Professor Harold Hill, whose ingenious plan to separate a bunch of rubes from their money goes astray when he succumbs to the charms of a nasty librarian. Pence can start his administration with a spring in his step, whistling classic songs like “If God Didn’t Want Them Sheared, He Would Not Have Made Them Sheep,” “Never Trust a Woman (Who Reads Books),” and, of course, “76 Trombones.”
Spring Awakening
Bryan Bedder/Getty Images
Duncan Sheik and Steven Sater’s risqué musical at first may seem like an even less hospitable choice than Hamilton, but remember, it’s set in the golden age of sex ed: the 1890s! The play opens with a wise mother giving her teenage daughter exactly as much information about sex as she needs—none—and Pence will no doubt find the daughter’s eventual death from a botched abortion a toe-tappingly delightful reminder of the good old days he and Trump are going to restore. While it’s unclear what the federal version of Indiana’s HB 1337 will look like, rest assured: Sheik and Sater have already written its theme song.
Just Let Trump Decide
Jim Watson/AFP/Getty Images
As vice president, Pence will be deferring to Trump’s judgment all the time; perhaps he should start by letting the native New Yorker handle Broadway tickets. But where would the president-elect send his second-in-command? For a clue, check his Twitter feed:
The Children’s Hour
Wikimedia Commons
Lillian Hellman’s 1934 play about a brave grandmother who gets a boarding school shut down because she suspects the headmistresses are gay isn’t just a portrait of courage in the face of homosexuality. It’s also a cautionary tale about the sad days before the invention of conversion therapy, which Pence supported funding with federal money. Given Pence’s interests, this could make for a great double feature with Machinal.
Schlageter
Landesarchiv Baden-Württemberg
Hanns Johst’s best-known play has never been performed in the United States, but if it were, its audience would surely greet Pence and Trump with cheers, not boos. It’s an action-packed dramatization of the life of Albert Leo Schlageter, a World War I hero who became a martyr after being executed by the French during the Occupation of the Ruhr. Schlageter is very quotable, and its most famous line—usually slightly mangled as, “When I hear the word culture, I reach for my gun!”—really speaks to the Trump/Pence aesthetic. Variety called the original production “very well dramatized,” and “a good job,” while praising Albert Bassermann’s “outstanding performance,” so it’s a little strange no enterprising American producer has brought it to Broadway. One possible reason: Even with Pence or Trump in the audience, a revival would have a hard time capturing the electric thrill of the show’s legendary opening night: April 20, 1933, at the Preußisches Staatstheater Berlin. It was part of the 44th birthday celebrations for another newly minted head of state, who theater audiences generally refrained from booing—in the interest of civility and out of respect for the office, you understand.
