Brow Beat

Actually, Bob Dylan Will Not Attend the Nobel Prize Ceremony (He’s Got “Pre-Existing Commitments”)

You’re giving us emotional whiplash here, Bob.

Kevin Winter/Getty Images for AFI

The turbulent saga that is Bob Dylan’s relationship with the Swedish Academy introduced another plot twist today: Bob Dylan revealed in “a personal letter” to the academy that he will not be attending the Dec. 10 prize ceremony in Stockholm “due to pre-existing commitments.”

Let’s summarize, shall we? After he was awarded the Nobel Prize in Literature back in October, Dylan first added, then removed an acknowledgement of the award from his website, the professional musician equivalent of changing your relationship status on Facebook. Then he wouldn’t return the academy’s phone calls. Now, after coyly suggesting he might attend the ceremony, he’s standing them up, even if he did write a heartfelt letter explaining why.

I’m just saying, we’re about one terrible teen-romance cliché away from watching the Swedish Academy sob alone on the porch in a prom dress before finally realizing that its dorky but way more deserving true love was actually right beside it the whole time. (Philip Roth, probably.)