It’s been 14 years since America fell in love with Xander Cage, the extreme sports thrillseeker–turned–secret agent Vin Diesel played in Rob Cohen’s xXx. Now, even after the 2005 short film The Final Chapter: The Death of Xander Cage seemingly closed that door forever, Xander Cage is back. His sports are even more exxxtreme this time around: The trailer shows him jumping off a radio tower to ski down a slope with no snow, then somehow using a motorbike to surf. And the world is in even more exxxtreme danger. “Let me simplify it for you,” Samuel L. Jackson says in the trailer, as though the idea behind xXx: Return of Xander Cage needed much simplification. “Kick some ass, try look dope while you’re doing it.” In case that still wasn’t enough, Ruby Rose, who plays a sniper of some sort, adds an unprecedented second hard-sell trailer line: “Guns, girls, global domination: Xander Cage is back.”
It’s not really clear what the plot is, but it’s very clear it doesn’t matter: With any luck, the finished film will have another five or six lines like these. Maybe Donnie Yen can say something like, “I thought Xander Cage’s life had reached its Final Chapter, but he’s returned and looks more like Vin Diesel than ever.” Or xXx: State of the Union star Ice Cube can get a reaction shot after Diesel skateboards by to say, “Xander Cage is waaaaaay more extreme than I was, and that’s awesome!” Or director D.J. Caruso can show up in a cameo to say, “xXx: Return of Xander Cage, the film you are watching, is from Paramount Pictures, and was released on Jan. 20, 2017.” Welcome back, Xander!
